Hey, y’all! Well, it looks like the Footbal Feline righted the ship last week, going 11-5, or 119-72 for the season. Let’s see if I can do EVEN BETTER this week. ‘Cos The Simon has a good feelin’ about Sunday’s games! Enjoy the picks, y’all!
Houston at Jacksonville: Well, Simon knows where he’s NOT going to be this Thursday night! What a STINKER this game will be! BLECH! This game smells like my little sisters’ ass! I’m gonna go against the crowd and go with J-Ville, here. I think that Houston still hasn’t hit rock bottom yet, and the Jaguars, as I’m tired of saying, are better than people think they are!
Indianapolis at Cincinnati – Man, a three-way would be SO GOOD right now… What? No, ya damn perverts… I’m talking about a chili three-way, like this. Get your minds out of the gutter, girls! Anyway, The Simon is pretty sure the Bengals take this game. The Colts are just 3-2 over their last 5 games, while the Kitties are keepin’ in rollin’!
Atlanta at Green Bay – BWHAHAHAHAHA!! Really? The Durty Burds are at Lambeau this week? The Packers could put ME in at quarterback and we’d still win by two scores! Take the Packers, fool!
New England at Cleveland – BWHAHAHAHAHA!! Really? Two in a row? I wonder what the line on this game is… 35? 42? Take the Patriots!
Oakland at New York Jets – Which is the higher number: the number of Dark and Stormies Simon will drink at da club on Saturday night, or Geno Smith’s QB rating? If you chose the number of drinks I’ll have.. you’re right! Take the Raiders to steal one from the Jets, and they’ll make it look easy, too!
Detroit at Philadelphia – Speaking of Geno Smith… if Philly’s QB sensation (and TOTAL HOTTIE) Nick Foles were to throw 50 consecutive interceptions, he’d still have a higher QB rating than Geno Smith! For real, y’all! And I don’t see that handsome man cooling off this week, either. Take the Eagles to win at home and make it 5 in a row!
Miami at Pittsburgh – Well, WHO KNOWS which Steeler team will show up this week. The line is home team by 3, which doesn’t show a lot of confidence in the Steelers. Maybe Mike Tomlin can stay off the field this week! If he does, I think the Steelers win by 7.
Buffalo at Tampa Bay – Which one of these cellar dwellers will reign supreme? And can any 4-8 or 3-9 team be considered supreme? I’m going with the Buccaneers, if only because they’re at home this week!
Kansas City at Washington – BWHAHAHAHAHA!! I hate the Redskins! Take the Chiefs to mess ’em up good in the Offensive Nickname Bowl!
Minnesota at Baltimore – Oh boy! It’s hard to win at M&T, especially if you’re the Vikings. Take the Ravens to cruise to an easy victory here!
Tennessee at Denver – Man, I’m running out of pithy ways to say “this team is gonna beat the hell out of this other team”. So let’s just say the Broncos will win, and it’s not even a fair fight!
St. Louis at Arizona – I’ve been saying all season that the Rams should be ignored at your own peril. Even a crappy NFL team can be dangerous! Still, the Cards have gone 4-1 in their last five games and seem to be getting their act together. Take the Cardinals for the win!
New York Giants at San Diego – Meh. I guess take the Chargers at home. All of America will be watching the next game, though.
Seattle and San Francisco – The Battle Royale. The Final Conflict. The Beatdown to End All Beatdowns. Whatever you wanna call it, this is the late game to watch! Man, the Simon gets the butt wiggles just thinking about it! Two sets of Titans, out for blood and NFC West supremacy! Simon says to take the Seahawks here, but it should be a game for the ages!
Carolina at New Orleans – Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam!!! Come see me sometime, you handsome devil! Your sweet, sweet hot chocolate needs a sexy marshmallow like me! All kidding aside (and no, I wasn’t kidding!), this should also be a damn good game, although The Simon is sure the hometown Panthers will take care of those no-good drunks and hooligans from The Big Sleazy! GO KITTIES! GO KITTIES! GO KITTIES!
Dallas at Chicago – Well, after Seattle\San Francisco and Carolina\New Orleans, this game is a bit of a letdown, no? It SHOULD HAVE BEEN great, but honestly… who really cares at this point? I’ll take the Cowboys… but what I REALLY want is some Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam Cam!!! GO PANTHERS!