“The Chick List”

Two Fridays ago, Lisa and I were at Sir Ed’s, celebrating Calvin’s birthday. At one point, Lisa brought up the subject of male celebrities that she’d sleep with. She went through her list, then the conversation moved over to Calvin, who has Shirley Manson of Garbage in slots 1-4 of his “Top 5” list.

Eventually, of course, they came around to me. Unfortunately, I was having a complete brain fart and couldn’t think of any celebrity I wanted to sleep with at the time. For one horrifying moment, I had a list… and it was empty.

So this past week I’ve kept a Notepad window open on my computer, and I’d add a name to the list as I thought of it. After a while, the list got ridiculously large. Just for fun I divided it up like a football roster: Varsity and JV squads, with first and second strings for each team and a practice squad for each, as well as “Future Draftees” and “Retired Jerseys” sections). It’s silly, but I hope you enjoy the list:

JIM’S LIST OF HAWT CELEBRITIES, FALL 2008

THE VARSITY SQUAD

The First Team

1) Angelina Jolie
2) Kelly Brook
3) Emma Pierson
4) Kate Winslet
5) Jenna Fischer
6) Scarlett Johanssen
7) Kristen Bell
8) Jill Wagner
9) Sarah Wayne Calles
10) January Jones
11) Dana Delaney

The Second Team

1) Piper Perabo
2) Virginia Madsen
3) Gemma Atkinson
4) Joanna Krupa
5) Bar Refaeli
6) Penelope Cruz
7) Leelee Sobieski
8) Kim Kardashian
9) Stacy Keibler
10) Julie Benz
11) Samantha Brown

The Practice Squad

1) Jessica Alba
2) Eva Mendes
3) Jessica Biel
4) Asia Argento
5) Mena Suvari
6) Nigella Lawson
7) Rhona Mitra
8) Summer Glau

THE JUNIOR-VARSITY SQUAD

The First Team

1) Alizee Jacotey
2) Jennifer Esposito
3) Missy Peregrym
4) Ana Beatriz Barros
5) Eva Green
6) Monica Belluci
7) Halle Berry
8) Estella Warren
9) Erika Christensen
10) Megan Fox
11) Ashlee Simpson

The Second Team

1) Tina Fey
2) Paget Brewster
3) Shannon Woodward
4) Sophia Bush
5) Eva Amurri
6) Juliette Binoche
7) Robin Tunney
8) Maggie Lawson
9) Rachel Leigh Cook
10) Adriana Lima
11) Ginnifer Goodwin

The Practice Squad

1) Christine Taylor
2) Kristin Chenoweth
3) Kristen Wiig
4) Rachel Weisz

NEW RECRUITS

Whitney Port
Madeline Zima
Holly Madison
Michelle Hunziker
Leighton Meester
Mischa Barton
Agni Scott
Maria Menounos
Aida Mollenkamp
Doutzen Kroes
Emmanuel Chriqui
Yvonne Strahovski
Elizabeth Mitchell
Moon Bloodgood
Kari Matchett
Emmanuelle Chriqui
Deanne Bell
Margaret Conley

RETIRED JERSEYS

Laetitia Casta
Madonna
Brittany Murphy
Audrey Tautou
Uma Thurman
Kristen Davis
Salma Hayek
Carly Pope
Jenny McCarthy
Vanessa Branch
Heidi Klum
Katee Sackoff
Maureen McCormick
Naomi Watts
Helena Christensen
Jennifer Love Hewitt
Dita Von Teese