In early July, I posted this list of “Top 10 Celebrity Breasts”. As you may recall, the list was originally created by InTouch magazine; I only re-ordered their list to fit my personal preference.
Shortly after posting that, a longtime jimcofer.com reader wrote in to chide me for not posting pictures with my list. Here’s the thing: I met this guy through the forums at Ars Technica. Ars has a long and storied tradition of requiring pictures in certain threads, especially in threads about women, kittens, deadly insects, or some type of “massive fail” – a flooded server room or spectacularly wrecked car, for example. Ars might not have invented the “this thread is useless without pics” meme, but they certainly made it a requirement for posting.
So anyway… around a week ago, I posted this list of celebrities I’d like to sleep with. The backstory on the list is this: I was at a bar with Lisa and some friends, and everyone started going through their list of celebrities they’d sleep with… you know, like the episode of Friends where everyone talks about their “Freebie List”. Only yours truly was having a brain fart and couldn’t think of anyone at the time. I went home and opened a Notepad window, in which I’d type up the names of celebrities as I’d think of them. After keeping the window open for a week and a half, I had this giant list. I quickly divided the list up into two teams (“The Varsity Team” and “The JV Team”) and also divided each team into “first string”, “second string”, and “practice squad”.
I hadn’t actually planned to post the list on this site. I was originally going to post the list as a MySpace bulletin. But Lisa and I were going on a brief vacation, and I needed (OK, wanted) to come up with some stuff I could quickly “cut and paste” into a few “vacation posts” that would run while I was out of town. And the “Chick List” was perfect for that.
I guess you know what’s coming next. The same guy that emailed me about the “Celebrity Breasts” posts complained about my lack of pics in the “Chick List” thread. So… to appease not only him (Hey Chip!), but also the Gods of Ars Technica, you’ll find an updated “Chick List” now with pictures… after the jump!
Unlike the “official” Chick List (which is divided into many sections), the following list is simply the “Top 30” – the first and second strings from the Varsity Team, as well as their practice squad – in the same order as the original list.
Click on any picture to enlarge.
Since the orginal list is based on high school\college sports setups, and since sports is nothing without statistics, let’s have a little fun with some numbers, shall we?
Actresses dominate this list. 21 out of 30 (70%) are full-time actresses, and at least 6 of the “TV personalities” and “models” have done some acting. If you take these “part-timers” into account, then 27 out of 30 (90%) are actresses of some sort.
American women also dominate the list, with 20 out of the 30 spots (66%). The British come in second with 6 spots (20%), while Israel, Italy, Poland and Spain each contribute 1 person to the list (3.3% each). Interestingly, although the British girls are outnumbered overall by their American cousins, they hold 3 of the top 5 spots, for 60% of the Top 5.
The average age of the women on the list is 31.5 years (all ages were determined using Wikipedia’s age calculator). The oldest is Dana Delaney (52); the youngest is Scarlett Johanssen (23). If the three oldest women (Dana Delaney, Virginia Madsen and Nigella Lawson) are removed from the list, the average age only drops to 29.6 years. If the three youngest women (Scarlett Johanssen, Gemma Atkinson and Bar Refaeli) are taken off the list the average age climbs to 32.5 years. The mean age of the women on the list is 29.5.
Contrary to the myth that Jim Cofer only likes brunettes, 13 out of 30 (43.3%) of the women on this list are blonde. Brunettes do make up most of the rest of the list (15 out of 30, or 50%), with black haired girls making up the remainder (2 out of 30, or 6.6%). Sorry redheads! Of course, these numbers are somewhat meaningless, as many actresses dye their hair for roles or novelty, and many that are normally “blonde” might actually be brunette in real life. I simply chose whatever color the women normally is seen in public with.
Lastly, keep in mind that this is a list of celebrities I would sleep with. This is not a list of “the best actresses in history” or “the prettiest women in the world”. Most men divide women (well, celebrity women anyway) into at least three categories: cute, pretty, and sexy. A woman could exist in one category only, or she could be in all categories.
In other words, just because a man finds a woman “sexy”, that doesn’t mean that she is also “cute” or “pretty”. Many men, for example, find the singer Pink sexy (it’s a “vibe thing”), but few find her “cute”, and almost no one thinks she’s “pretty”. Personally, I once had a “thing” for Laura Carter, the lead singer of an Athens, GA band called the BBQ Killers. She looked really rough – I always thought of her as “the world’s angriest dyke”. A lot of people didn’t even recognize her as female when they first saw her. But man, there was just something about that girl – who married and had a kid before dying in 2002 at the age of 37. So I guess she wasn’t a member of the Lesbian Avengers after all…
ANYWAY, I say all this just so someone doesn’t say “Oh, but Jessica Alba is a horrible actress – how could you put her on the list?” or “Christina Hendricks is so much prettier than January Jones… why do you think January’s prettier than Christina is?” – “pretty” isn’t the same thing as “sexy”. And “sexy” is a bizarre category that most men simply cannot define.