So… last night I was thinking about the episode of Newsradio where Jimmy James had his book Jimmy James: Capitalist Lion Tamer translated from English into Japanese and then back into English again, where it became Jimmy James: Macho Business Donkey Wrestler.
Just for kicks, I decided to translate some of my own writing using Google Translate. Unfortunately, a single round of translation wasn’t funny, so I translated it from English into German, then into Ukranian, then into Thai, then into Swedish, then back into English.
Here’s the original text:
Why is it that some men feel the need to tell me that they would sleep with some obviously beautiful celebrity?
You’d “tap” Jessica Alba? Really? Really? Welcome to the least exclusive club in the entire world, buddy: “Men Who Would Sleep With Jessica Alba”! We currently have 3.8 billion members. We meet on Tuesdays at the Y. Bring cookies. Come early – seating is limited.
Call me stupid… call me old-fashioned… but I always thought that “I’d tap that” was used when talking about friends, chicks at the grocery store… that kind of thing, or maybe a celebrity that most people wouldn’t consider to be attractive. In fact, the whole point of “I’d tap that” was to bring attention to the fact that you’d sleep with someone who wasn’t especially known for her looks. Thus, you’d say something like “You know Brenda at JustCuts? I’d tap that!” or “I can’t help it… I’d hit Kirstie Alley”.
To say that you’d “tap” or “hit” someone obvious like Scarlett Johanssen, Angelina Jolie, January Jones or Katy Perry… well, it just sounds stupid. If given the chance, all of us, the entire male population of planet Earth, would do the same thing, genius. I know your mom told you that you were special, but really… you’re not.
But that’s just me talking.
Here’s what Google gave me:
Why some people feel the need to tell me to sleep a few known natural beauty?
Will the “click” Jessica Alba? True? True? Welcome to the exclusive club in the world like Buddy: “We are Jessica Alba bed 3.8 billion members. We gathered on Tuesday at the J. cookies came early – seats are limited.
Call me call me outdated hlupo … but … I think I always use that type when it comes to chicken in grocery stores … or maybe something outrageous to most people is not so glamorous. In fact, all the water that I will emphasize the fact that you do not sleep with someone who is known for the way she is. What you need to talk to “you know Brenda the Just Cuts’ Click me ‘or’ I can not help me … I see Kirstie Alley.
To say that you “click” or “press” will surely Scarlett Johanssen, Angelina Cho Lee and January Jones Kate Perry good … it just sounds stupid. If the opportunity for all of us in the world is the planet of all men the same genius. I know you are special, but you have that they do not ….
But as I said.
Kinda funny, no? It’s like being able to convert anything I write into a Chinese restaurant menu!