I watched NBC’s Parks and Recreation when it first came on the air, but didn’t keep up with it, as it seemed too much like a clone of The Office. But the dudes over at A Hamburger Today tipped me off to the most recent episode, in which burgers played a central role. And man… that episode was funny!
April hands Ron Swanson a phone message.
Ron: “Did you get his number?”
Ron crumples the message up and tosses it in the trash can.
Ron: “That’s my girl…”
Ron goes to the health food store with co-worker Chris Traeger (Rob Lowe):
Ron: “I came here for the same reason people go to the zoo… [looks at white man in dreadlocks scooping some type of grain from a barrel] Shhhh! Look at that thing! Nature is amazing!”
“Zerts are what I call desserts. Tray-trays are entrees. I call sandwiches sammies, sandoozles, or Adam Sandlers. Air conditioners are cool blasterz with a ‘z.’ I don’t know where that came from. I call cakes big ol’ cookies. I call noodles long-ass rice. Fried chicken is fry-fry chicky-chick. Chicken parm is chicky-chicky parm parm. Chicken cacciatore: chicky catch. I call eggs pre-birds or future birds. Root beer is super water. Tortillas are bean blankies. And I call forks…food rakes!”
– Aziz Ansari as Tom Haverford
Asked why he was getting samples of vegetarian bacon and immediately throwing them into the trash can:
Ron: “I’m saving anyone from eating this!”
And the highlight of the episode… the burger cook-off:
Chris: “I humbly place before you my ‘East meets West’ patented Traeger turkey burger, an Asian fusion burger made with Willow Farms organic turkey, a toasted Taleggio cheese crisp, papaya chutney, black truffle aioli and microgreens on a gluten-free brioche bun. Enjoy!”
Ron: “Here’s mine. It’s a hamburger… made out of meat… on a bun… with nothing. Add ketchup if you want. I couldn’t care less.”
After Ron wins the cook-off:
“Turkey can never beat cow, Chris. Sorry.”