Hey, ya’ll! Simon here again! I’m feeling a bit under weather this week, so my picks might be short and sweet this go ’round. The doctor has me on some pain killers that I thought would make me funny, but in fact only make me sleepy! So let’s do this! Your favorite kitty went 8-8 last week, for a total of 40-29.
New York Jets at Denver: Despite putting up some awful numbers, my cute lil’ Tim Tebow is winning games. But that streak comes to an end this week. That sexy Darrelle Revis will be all over the field, and more often than not will lend up with handsful of Tebowcake. Take the Jets in this game, girls!
Jacksonville at Cleveland: Jeez – what an awful game! The NFL should just go ahead and apologize to the rest of the league for this game! I think Cleveland could win this game, but the Browns will come up with some novel way to lose this one, too! I’m taking the Jaguars in this game!
Carolina at Detroit: Oooo! The battle of the kitties! I so want my hometown kitties to win this game, but I think Detroit will bounce back with this one. Not that I’m complaining: I get to see my saucy cup of hot chocolate, Calvin Johnson, on TV this week! Too bad I don’t get to see his Johnson! I’m bad! Take the Lions here!
Tampa Bay at Green Bay: The Battle of the Bays… ain’t gonna amount to much. Aaron Rogers… blah blah blah… Clay Matthews… blah blah blah… Take the Packers to win by at least ten in this mismatch.
Buffalo at Miami: I so wish my handsome Miami mens would win this game, but I think the Bills will win here pretty easily.
Oakland at Minnesota: The AFC West versus the NFC North? Gawd, wake me when this one’s over! Christian Ponder sure is pretty, but I’m sure he’ll come up with a way to lose this one. And Simon thinks the Raiders are better than everyone thinks. They’ll win this one, but you just wait until next year!
Dallas at Washington: Hey, hey! Another NFC Least game for the sports media to slobber all over! Unless you’re a Cowgirls fan, this one won’t even be interesting. Karma will continue to spew its revenge all over Dan Snyder, and the Cowboys will win this one, big time!
Cincinnati at Baltimore: OMG! GO KITTIES! GO KITTIES! At least that’s what my daddy’s been saying all week! Ya’ll know my AFC North picks are all tilted to favor my daddy’s team, and he’s hoping that the Bungles beat the Ratbirds. Although my feline intuition says that the Ravens win this game, I’m officially gonna pick the Bengals here. Can I has my pain meds now, Daddy?
Seattle at St. Louis: Oh Lord… this might be the worst week of the season! Who cares about this game? I bet even people in Seattle and St. Louis don’t! I’ll pick… the Rams, just to move on to the next pick!
Arizona at San Francisco: Oh my! Ladies, the handsome mens from San Fran are gonna stomp all over the hapless schlubs from Arizona! Trust me: the 49ers will destroy the Cards!
Tennessee at Atlanta: After last week’s heartbreaking loss to Breesus and his sexy Loose-iana boys, I think the Dirty Birds will bounce back against the silly Titans from Tennessee. At least, they could, unless a 4th and inches situation comes up. Pick the Falcons here, especially since the Birds don’t lose at home.
San Diego at Chicago: Ya’ll know we here at Simon HQ hate Philip Rivers and Norv Turner. Funny, I’ve never mentioned all the bandwagon fans that the Chargers have, too. So… to tell with you folks, too! Anyway, the Bears are on their way up (for now), and San Diego always seems to have trouble playing in cold climes, so I’m picking the Bears here.
Philadelphia at New York Giants: Gawd, more NFC Least crap? They’re playing in New Jersey? I’ll take the Giants to crap all over the so-called “Dream Team”… so take THAT, Michael Vick!
Kansas City at New England: The last pick? Oh thank God! My pain meds are wearing off! No Matt Cassel for the Chiefs? Playing in Foxborough? Yeah, take the Pats to win by… at least 14!
Sorry my picks weren’t as funny as they usually are! I should feel better next week, so I’ll try to bring my “A game” then! Love ya’ll, but I’ve gotta take a nap now!