SONGS I LOVE: “Starlett Johanssen”

The TeenagersSo yesterday, Lisa and I went to a friend’s house for a cook-out. It started out innocently enough, with Calvin cooking up burgers, dogs, and pork chops on the grill while the rest of us drank a few beers or wine or what have you.

After dinner, though, things rapidly went downhill. The guys retired to the living room to do tequila shots and watch the Steelers\Vikings preseason game, while the girls (and Regis!) hung out on the porch playing a slightly drunken version of Apples to Apples. After the football game was over, the boys retired to the porch, where we all had more tequila shots and played another round of Apples to Apples.

On the way home, Lisa decided that she was hungry, so she asked me to stop by the local Taco Bell so she could get a Taco Salad. While waiting in line at the drive-thru, a song came on my iPod that I’d played for her a couple dozen times before. Only, for some reason, she really latched on to one line of the song this time:

When I noticed for Jared Leto
I felt sad for 30 seconds

“Wait – was he singing about Jared Leto?”, Lisa asked.

I couldn’t help but giggle. I’d played the song I don’t know how many times, and she’d apparently never listed to the lyrics before. I started the song over again:

I know you’re born in ’84
Half Polish, half Danish
You started at 8 on Broadway
You’re a star

You don’t believe in monogamy
I’m not jealous Scarlett will you marry me
All you’ve got you can like it
But what I am you will love it

Lisa was still confused… which is understandable, since The Teenagers are from France and don’t pronounce things exactly as an English speaker would expect. I told her that the song was about Scarlett Johanssen. She got that, but had no idea why they were talking about Jared Leto, who is one of the three male celebrities that Lisa absolutely adores (the others are Johnny Depp and Edward Norton, if you’re interested).

I kept giggling, ‘cos apparently Lisa had no idea that Jared Leto and Scarlett Johanssen dated a few years ago.

“He dated her?”, she kept asking.

I kept giggling and asked her if I could get her a 4 year-old copy of People magazine to verify that yes, the two actually dated.

“He dated that bitch?”
“Yes, honey. He dated that bitch!”
“Well… I hate her.”

So I guess Lisa’s new nickname for Scarlett Johanssen is “that fucking bitch”.

Enjoy the song:


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