“Rory? Yeah I know Rory. He’s not to be underestimated, you’ve got to look past the hair and the cute, cuddly thing – it’s all a deceptive facade. A few nights ago Rory’s Roger iron’s rusted, so he’s gone to the local battle-cruiser to catch the end of his footer. Nobody is watching the custard so he turns the channel over. A fat man’s north opens and he wanders over and turns the Liza over. ‘Now fuck off and watch it somewhere else.’ Rory knows claret is imminent, but he doesn’t want to miss the end of the game; so, calm as a coma, he stands and picks up a fire extinguisher and he walks straight past the jam rolls who are ready for action, then he plonks it outside the entrance. He then orders an Aristotle of the most ping pong tiddly in the nuclear sub and switches back to his footer. ‘That’s fucking it,’ says the guy. ‘That’s fucking what’ says Rory. Rory gobs out a mouthful of booze covering fatty; he then flicks a flaming match into his bird’s nest and the man’s lit up like a leaky gas pipe. Rory, unfazed, turned back to his game. His team’s won too: four-nil. ”
– Danny John-Jules as Barfly Jack in
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Uh what? LOL!
Cockney slang. I’ll translate:
“A few nights ago Rory’s Roger [Roger Mellie, rhymes with ‘telly’, i.e. TV] iron’s rusted [busted, i.e. broken], so he’s gone [he went] to the local battle-cruiser [boozer, i.e. pub] to catch the end of his footer [football match]. Nobody is watching the custard [custard and jelly = telly] so he turns the channel over. A fat man’s north [north and south = mouth] opens and he wanders over and turns the Liza [Liza Minnelli = “telly”]. over. ‘Now fuck off and watch it somewhere else.’ Rory knows claret [blood] is imminent, but he doesn’t want to miss the end of the game; so, calm as a coma, he stands and picks up a fire extinguisher and he walks straight past the jam rolls [assholes] who are ready for action, then he plonks it outside the entrance. He then orders an Aristotle [bottle] of the most ping pong [strong] tiddly [Tiddly winks = drinks (or Chinks)] in the nuclear sub [pub] and switches back to his footer. ‘That’s fucking it,’ says the guy. ‘That’s fucking what’ says Rory. Rory gobs [spits] out a mouthful of booze covering fatty; he then flicks a flaming match into his bird’s nest [chest] and the man’s lit up like a leaky gas pipe. Rory, unfazed, turned back to his game. His team’s won too: four-nil. ”