SIMON’S PICKS – WEEK 2

SimonHey, y’all! Simon here! Wow… was Week 1 WILD or what? My handsome Texan mens came back to win a thriller, and there were FOUR safeties this week (and only 13 all year year!) That’s CRAZY! The Simon went 12-4 last week, as always let’s see if the Football Feline can do even better!

 

 

New York Jets at New England: Well, that HANDSOME Geno Smith was able to pull out a win against the Pretty Pirates last week, but he’s going to be in for a TREAT this week. Tom Terrific is pretty solid at home, and even pulled out a win against a rejuvenated Bills last week. My gut says that Tom will lead the Patriots to another win this week! Because he’s too beautiful not to!

St. Louis at Atlanta: What did The Simon tell you about Atlanta not being able to win in New Orleans? That’s OK, honey: my MAIN MAIN Matty Ice will get his mojo back this week, when the DUUUURTY BIRDS play the Rams at home. Take the Falcons to win this one, baby!

Carolina at Buffalo: Poor Cam! So, so handsome… such a bad team! Now the Carolina Kitties looked pretty good on defense last week, but The Simon is pretty sure that those mens from New York will be able to win this one. I’m going with the Bills! But come home soon, Cam… We miss you!

Minnesota at Chicago: Ooooo! The Purple People Eaters versus the Monsters of the Midway! The Simon TREMBLES with excitement! I say go with Da Bears at home this week!

Washington at Green Bay: The Iggles shut the ‘Skins DOWN for the first two and half quarters on Monday night. Let’s hope the Packers’ DC was watching the game… ‘cos I’m going with the Packers in this game!

Miami at Indianapolis: I wish y’all would have told me it was “Suck FOR Luck”! Hi-yooo! Sorry, The Simon misplaced that joke months ago and just found it in a pile of stuff. Lil’ Mikey Wallace is gonna have even more to complain about with this game, when that big ol’ Andy Luck and his crew bring it! Take the Colts, baby!

Dallas at Kansas City: Hmmmm…. Two cities that don’t know what “barbeque” is. I just can’t STAND that Tony Romo, and it looks like those bumblin’ Chiefs might actually be FOR REALS this year. But I think the Cowboys will win this one. Don’t be surprised if there’s an upset, though!

San Diego at Philadelphia: My, my! Norv is gone, but the Dolts still play like he’s there! The Simon hasn’t seen a collapse like he did on MNF this week since season 3 of Project Runway! I think the Chargers are better than they played the other night, but I don’t think they’re ready for Chip Kelly’s team. Take the Eagles here.

Cleveland at Baltimore: Gross. I don’t care who wins this one, but I’m pretty sure that the Ravens win this one with ease!

Tennessee at Houston: The former Houston team travels to Houston to play the current Houston team… and as great as the Titan’s defense looked last Sunday, Matt Schaub (who’s kind of handsome) will win. Take the Texans, baby!

Detroit at Arizona: My main mens Calvin Johnson and Matthew Stafford travel to the desert to whip some Cardinal ass! No need to say more, but just so we’re clear, The Simon thinks the Lions will FEAST this week!

New Orleans at Tampa Bay: Drew Breesus comes to the city by the bay, and it ain’t even close, folks: take the Saints to win big on the road!

Jacksonville at Oakland: Take Oakland, but really.. who cares?

Denver at New York Giants: Heeeeeyyyy, Wes Welker! Who YOU doin’ handsome? Come see Simon sometime… especially after you’ve won one on the road this week! Don’t be a fool, take the Broncos!

San Francisco at Seattle: Oh my oh my oh my! The battle of the Handsomest QBs just sets my thighs AFLAME! Do I take Colin or do I take Russell? HOW CAN I CHOOSE? Well, I’ll take my boys the 49ers, even though they’re playing in Seattle.

Pittsburgh at Cincinnati: Ugh. What year is this, 1998? The Men of Steel looked AWFUL last Sunday… well, check that: the Steelers DEFENSE looked pretty good last Sunday. But when you let the other team have the ball for 10 minutes longer than you, it’s hard to win games. If you take the Steelers first drive out of the picture – a mostly successful six minute drive that ended with Redman’s fumble on Tennessee’s 6 – then the average Steeler offensive drive lasted 01:23. Which is absolutely pathetic. The SImon loves his dad, and his dad loves the Steelers, but neither one of us thinks they’ll beat the Bengals this week. If Dwyer can get a running game going, and if Fernando Velasco quickly settles in at center, and if Heeeeeaaattthhh comes back soon, Pittsburgh has a chance. Maybe.

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