Hey, y’all! Simon here! OK, so I had a rought week last week, only going 8-8. I’m still 31-17 for the season, so let’s see if the Football Feline can do better this week! Enjoy the sweaty mens, girls!
San Francisco at St. Louis: My handsome mens from San Francisco will bounce back this week, easily defeating a subpar Rams team. Take the 49ers to win this one easily, girls!
Baltimore at Buffalo: Those cute lil’ mens on the Bills are having a much better season than Simon thought they would… but they’re gonna have a tough time against Joe “I’m Elite!” Flaccid. Take the Ravens to win this one, but not in a blowout. hehehe… “blowout”: that’s dirty!
Cincinnati at Cleveland: Gross. Take the Bengals to not bungle this one, though.
Chicago at Detroit: My MAIN MAN Calvin Johnson [insert “Johnson” joke here] is putting up crazy numbers here lately… but I’m afraid it won’t be enough to win this one. My OTHER Main Main, Julius Peppers (and how cool of a name is THAT?) will feast this week, ladies! Take Da Bears to win this one easily!
New York Giants at Kansas City: It wasn’t until I watched the Carolina Kitties game last Sunday that I realized how TRULY AWFUL the Giants’ O-line is! I mean, Pittsburgh’s o-line is like, Hall of Fame quality in comparison! And Kansas City is for real, people… so take the Chiefs to win this one, big time!
Pittsburgh at Minnesota: Sigh. Take the Vikings. Better yet, just read a book or go out to brunch when this game is on.
Arizona at Tampa Bay: Two awful teams… the handsome but bad Josh Freeman sitting on the bench… I say take the Cardinals… although neither of these teams are really “winners”.
Indianapolis at Jacksonville: If you live in a market that has this game… I feel so sorry for you! ‘Cos ya’ll know my lil’ Andy Luck is gonna run rampant over those hapless kitties! Take the Colts to win!
Seattle at Houston: Man, is Russell Wilson ON FIRE or what? And he’s playing great football, too! hehehehe!!! But seriously, the Seahawks are gonna beat some Texans ass on Sunday.
New York Jets at Tennessee: My momma tells me “if you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything at all”. So take the Titans to win at home.
Denver at Philadelphia: This is a joke, right? Take the Broncos to win… but a HUGE margin. Pey Pey simply looks unbeatable this year!
Washington at Oakland: They should call this the Incompetence Bowl… or at least bench RG3 until he feels better, as that’s the one reason I can think of for his performance dropoff. Having said that, I think the Skins get their first win here.
Dallas at San Diego: The Battle of Ewww: Tony Romo vs. Philip Rivers. I haven’t seen this much choking since Lexington Steele came to town! But seriously, both Romo and Rivers are good QBs until December, but I think Romo and the Cowboys win this one!
New England at Atlanta: Well, New England might be undefeated – and Tom Terrific is beautiful as always! – but they’re going to run into a spot of trouble in Hotlanta this weekend! It’s been hard to beat the Durty Birds at home for the past several seasons, and Brady and Company will come to town with their worst offense in recent memory. Take the Falcons to win this one!
Miami at New Orleans: You know who else is hard to beat at home? The Saints! My sexy South Beach mens might be 3-0 for now, but they’ll be 3-1 after the Big Easy Beatdown they’re gonna get next Monday night! Take the Saints to win a pretty close one!