Hey, everybodee! It’s Chloee. My brudder has the hangovers today – too many Dark an’ Stromees for Monday Nite Football – so Chloee will be doin’ the picks this week. Brudder went 9-5 last week, makin’ him 50-27 for the yeer. Let’s see if Lil’ Chloee can do better! hehehehe!!
Chicago and New York Giants: So, the reeson brudder is hungover iz because hee was watching the Jets beat his favorite Durty Burds last night. Was tense game, no? Now, normally Chloee would think that a giant could beat up a bear pretty easily. Although bears are pretty bad-ass, giants are… well, GIANT! But Chloee thinks NEW YORK Giants don’t stand chance against Chicago Bears. Take da Bears to win!
Cincinnati at Buffalo: Man, ain’t no way no buffalo could beat a tiger! To tiger, buffalo just giant meal on hooves, enuf to feed entire tiger familee! Take the Bengals to beat the crap outta the Bills dis week!
Detroit at Cleveland: What is “Brown”, anyway? You no see teams called the Blues or Yellows, do you? Normally, Chloee would think that a lion would beat up on whatevur a “Brown” is, but Chloee notice that Cleveland team also has some kind of pixy or elf as logo. She thinks that Browns will use some kinda elfin magik on Lions and spook ’em this week, even with second string qyoo-bee.
Oakland at Kansas City: Pirates versus Indians? Chloee loves pirates, and normally think they’d kick almost anybodee’s ass. But pirates are best in coastal areas. Me thinks that when pirates go way inland, they not play so good against Indians in good defensive posture. So Chloee sez to that the Chiefs will win this one!
Carolina and Minnesota: Panthers against Vikings? Yeah, you’d think that my slinkee black cousins could beat up on some honkee dudes from Norway. But Chloee thinks the only thing more badass than pirates are vikings. Man, you mess with Vikings, you end up in a wurld of hurt! So take the Vikings to win this one!
Pittsburgh at New York Jets: Honestlee: Chloee thinks this is the week the Steelers turn the ship around. Dey had a whole week off to rest and get healfy, and practice, and the Jets are comin’ off that short week against the Durty Burds (which iz why Simon has the hangovers, by thee way). Take the Steelers to win by 2-3 points, and it won’t be preety.
Philadelphia at Tampa Bay: Chloee spends a lot to tiem looking at burds, and she knows that Eaguls are the baddest burds on the planet! You’d think pirates could use blunderbuss or swords against burds, but they just fly away and attack again with dem badass taluns. Which is whut will happen on Sunday. Take the Eagles too win!
Green Bay at Baltimore: Did yoo know that “Packers” comes from “meet packers”? Chloee did not, until just now. Those dudes chop cows up an’ put ’em in cans! I don’t think they will be too wurried abut some silly ravens! Take the Packers to beat up on the burds!
St, Louis at Houston: Man, cowboys are pretty tough, but leed cowboy Matt Shaub iz looking preety bad, no? Still, they play at home, and Chloee thinks any cowboy should be able to handul a goat, for goodness sake! Take the Texans in this game!
Jacksonville at Denver: Iz joke, rite? Jagwars gonna play Peyton Manning team? For reels? hehehehe… Chloee’s brain might be size of walnut, but even she knos that this is lock of the week. Take the Broncos, silly!
Tennessee at Seattle: Chloe doesn’t knoo excatly what a “Titun” iz. Seehawks are pretty cool, though, and man.. dat place iz LOUD! It make Tennessee team mess up, which they iz prone to do anywaze. Take the Seahawks to win!
New Orleans at New England: Two “NEW” teams playing each other… hehehehehe! Man, that cracks Chloee up! Serusly, thoo… let’s see. You got a patriot on one side: a bad-ass dude with a musket. But you’ve got a saint on the udder. An’ Saint has God on his side. So Chloee sez to take the Saints to win this one, even ‘thoo game iz played in
Massachoosettes Massasooosets Masachusettes Boston Foxboro Foxborugh Noo Engund New Enelund New England.
Arizona at San Francisco: For reels? How iz dis game not considured child abuse? Recluss endangurment of minurs? ‘Cos everyone in da whoel wurld knows the 49ers are gonna beet up on da Cardinuls!
Washington at Dallas: Oh man! Real life cowboyees and indians! In dis versun, coyboys beat up on INdians preety bad. My daddy thinkz Tony Romo iz joke, but hee saw Romo play hiz heart out last Sunday. If Da Romo plays with same intensutee this week az he did last week, Cowboys win 55-3.
Indianapolis and San Diego: Hey Chargurz! Your CHARGE card iz maxxed out! Da ponees will come a take a win for you guys next Munday! Go for the Colts, baby!
I hope you enjoyeed Chloee’s picks, an’ I hope I did a gud job! Hopefully, my brudder will bee back next week!