Hey, y’all! Simon here! Wow… either the NFL has gone plum crazy or Simon is just in a TERRIBLE rut! I went 9-6 last week! Blech! That’s so NOT FABULOUS! Well, let me put on my Big Boy Pants and see if I can improve this week. After all, I’m still 103-59 for the year!
New Orleans at Atlanta: I declare! I have never seen a team just give up on a game like the Falcons did last week! FOR SHAME, Durty Birds! FOR SHAME! Yes, your season is all but over, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be fabulous! Too bad Breesus and the ‘Aints are coming to town this week. Even though this is one of the bitterest rivalries in the NFL, I expect the Falcons to roll over and play dead by the second quarter. Take the Saints to win this one handily!
Pittsburgh at Cleveland: Hey, speaking of bitter rivalries! The Boys from Steel Town travel to the Mistake By The Lake to renew their long-standing rivalry. This game all depends on which Steelers team shows up. If the Steelers team from the second quarter of last week’s game against the Lions – which gave up 27 points – shows up… the Browns win easily. But if the Steelers team from the second half of last week’s game shows up – the one that held Calvin Johnson to zero catches and Matt Stafford to 35 passing yards – then this one will be all Pittsburgh! I’m jumping back on the Steelers train for this one.
Tampa Bay at Detroit: Y’all remember that movie How Stella Got Her Groove Back? That was stupid! I mean, as soon as they showed that handsome Taye Diggs taking his shirt off in the commercial, we all knew how Stella got her groove back! Having said that, the Lions will get their groove back after the second half shellacking they got last week in Pittsburgh. I just don’t think there’s any way the hapless Bucs can win this one!
Minnesota at Green Bay: Well, even with the QB situation in Green Bay – get well soon, Aaron… you hunka hunka sexy man! – I still think they beat the Vikings at home. It’s hard to win at Lambeau, and even if the Packers are all beat up, they’ve still got the skillz to win!
San Diego at Kansas City: Well, well. Last week we learned that the Chiefs are mortal after all. If this game was played in San Diego, I think it’d be close. But when Arrowhead is rockin’, visiting teams shouldn’t come knockin’! Take the Chiefs to rebound this week!
Chicago at St. Louis: After beating up the Ravens in the longest game, like, EVER, last week (and thanks for that, guys!) the Bears should have no problem taming the Rams this week. The Rams aren’t the punching bag everyone thinks they are, but the Bears are just too good!
Carolina at Miami: WOO-HOO! Y’all see my handsome cup of hot chocolate, Superman Cam, beat Tom Terrific and the Pats last night? On one level, it hurt to see Tom like that. I just wanted to hug him! But still… the HOMETOWN KITTIES put a whoopin’ on the Pats! Take that, bitches! I’m certain the Carolina Kitties will bring the beatdown to South Beach this week. So put your ducats on the Panthers here!
New York Jets at Baltimore: Oh my Gawd! Both of these teams are SO GROSS! If it were up to me, I’d DEMAND makeovers for both sides! But since it’s not… I think the Ravens will pull out a win here, but wouldn’t be surprised (and will be hoping that) the Jets can knock off the dirty Ratbirds!
Jacksonville at Houston: Eh, who cares? Take the Texans, and feel sorry for whichever markets get stuck with this game on the teevee!
Tennessee at Oakland: Eh, who cares? Take the Raiders, and feel sorry for whichever markets get stuck with this game on the teevee!
Wow! This “copy and paste” thing is COOL!
Indianapolis at Arizona: That bucking bronco Andrew Luck – Heeeeeeeeeeyyyy handsome! – will come up with a win here. Take the Colts in this game!
Dallas at New York Giants: My, oh my! Welcome to the NFC Least, folks! Honestly, this game is a pure toss-up: the Cowboys are tanking and at the exact same time the Giants seem to be getting their act together! I just don’t know. I can honestly see this game going either way. So I’m gonna pick the Giants, just ‘cos they’re the home team. But if I were you, I’d just keep my moneys and bet on a safer game!
Denver at New England: Wow… Manning vs. Brady is always a good show! Pop open a beer and get the popcorn ready, ‘cos this is FOR SURE the game of the week! And while I LOVE me some Tom Terrific, I think Pey Pey and the Broncos take this game in Foxborough! Either way, it should be a hell of a lot of fun!
San Francisco at Washington: Man, this is one of those games that looked good on paper a couple months ago, isn’t it? Sadly, it’s a stinker now! Take the 49ers all they way, baby!