This clip makes me laugh every time I see it (and also makes me fret over US drug policy, but that’s not really “Friday Fun”, now is it?):
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPCkqqkGkwA
Larry Miller standup
Here’s Larry Miller’s “Five Levels of Drinking”… it’s some damn funny stuff!
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=piPyfqAKf6o
Random Vacation Pics
The reason the Mad Men recaps were so delayed is that the missus and I went on vacation last week (and then we spent Friday doing a “deep cleaning” for some guests we were having on Saturday night, then had the guests over Saturday, then helped some friends move on Sunday, then had a cook out on Monday). So I’ve been busy. But I thought I’d share some cheesy cellphone pics from the trip with you.
We went to Myrtle Beach. It’s a fun place, but in many ways it’s sort of a “land that time forgot”. 1950s hotels and “motor lodges” are everywhere, as are Confederate flags. There are restaurants named “Mammy’s Kitchen” and “Tar Baby’s”… and this one:
Shucker’s? Really? Does the NAACP know about this?
People of Walmart
Young Celebs
Who is this young cutie who grew up to be a celebrity?
Hint: English isn’t her first language.
Find out, and guess at yearbook pictures of 24 other celebrities here.
Computer Users
I was surfing one of my favorite message boards this past Saturday when I stumbled upon a bizarre question: someone asked what font and text color other people used in their emails.
I suppose the font question isn’t all that strange, as there was some variation in the responses. But the people who replied universally used black at their font color, which seemed to surprise the OP… who uses teal text in his\her emails.
I started imagining what the “teal text” poster was like, and then expanded the thought to several other types of computer user I know:
THE “COLORED EMAIL TEXT” USER
– Is typically female.
– Has pictures of her kids, grandkids, and\or cats as desktop wallpaper (bonus points if it’s a picture of the grandkids holding the cats).
– Said wallpaper is usually stretched to fill the desktop, making the kids look like extras from Deliverance.
– Has crayon drawings by her kids\grandkids on the wall of her office or cube. These are usually signed by the artist, allowing me to surprise her by figuring out that her password is “Justin” or “Madison”.
– Has 300 icons on her desktop.
– Her browser windows look like this:
– Has Weatherbug installed.
– Was probably the person who invented the saying “somebody’s got a case of the Mondays!”.
– On the plus side, one of her desk drawers is normally a candy stash.
Repair Shop Saves Brett-Favre-Themed Goat
This is (by far) the strangest story I’ve read today!
It’s lucky for a Brett-Favre-themed goat that the car broke down, otherwise he’d have probably been slaughtered, says the Winona Daily News. A woman driving a Chevy Malibu came into the Winona, MN Tires Plus last Friday asking if they could replace a belt. She then informed the employees that there was a live goat in the trunk that she planned to slaughter later.
via Repair Shop Saves Brett-Favre-Themed Goat From Certain Slaughter.
Asian Woman Misses Point
For those of you who don’t know, the city of Charlotte, North Carolina juts up against the North Carolina\South Carolina border. In fact, many towns in South Carolina – like Fort Mill, Tega Cay, and Lake Wylie – are considered suburbs of Charlotte. So it’s not uncommon for our local news to report on happenings in South Carolina… such as an Asian woman named “Jane” who was recently offended by a “No Colors” sign at The Knot Hole, a Lake Wylie biker bar. As anyone who’s ever even considered going to a biker bar knows, a “no colors” sign refers to gang clothing…. you know, “Hell’s Angels” colors or patches vs. “Bandidos” colors or patches… that sort of thing.
Well, even though “Jane” was college educated, she was apparently completely oblivious of the gang meaning and thought the bar meant “no coloreds”. She was so offended that she did the only reasonable thing – she called a local TV station to complain:
“At first looking at it I was offended, and then after that I got kind of angry,” said Jane.
A few days ago Jane, who is of Asian descent, and some girlfriends headed to the bar for a drink and the sign stopped her in her tracks.
“Whether you are white, black, Asian, Hispanic — it doesn’t matter what race you are, just reading that sign you should be offended by it,” Jane said.
I don’t have children, but if I did I would weep for their future.
Read all about it here.
Fun with Google Translate
So… last night I was thinking about the episode of Newsradio where Jimmy James had his book Jimmy James: Capitalist Lion Tamer translated from English into Japanese and then back into English again, where it became Jimmy James: Macho Business Donkey Wrestler.
Just for kicks, I decided to translate some of my own writing using Google Translate. Unfortunately, a single round of translation wasn’t funny, so I translated it from English into German, then into Ukranian, then into Thai, then into Swedish, then back into English.
Here’s the original text:
Why is it that some men feel the need to tell me that they would sleep with some obviously beautiful celebrity?
You’d “tap” Jessica Alba? Really? Really? Welcome to the least exclusive club in the entire world, buddy: “Men Who Would Sleep With Jessica Alba”! We currently have 3.8 billion members. We meet on Tuesdays at the Y. Bring cookies. Come early – seating is limited.
Call me stupid… call me old-fashioned… but I always thought that “I’d tap that” was used when talking about friends, chicks at the grocery store… that kind of thing, or maybe a celebrity that most people wouldn’t consider to be attractive. In fact, the whole point of “I’d tap that” was to bring attention to the fact that you’d sleep with someone who wasn’t especially known for her looks. Thus, you’d say something like “You know Brenda at JustCuts? I’d tap that!” or “I can’t help it… I’d hit Kirstie Alley”.
To say that you’d “tap” or “hit” someone obvious like Scarlett Johanssen, Angelina Jolie, January Jones or Katy Perry… well, it just sounds stupid. If given the chance, all of us, the entire male population of planet Earth, would do the same thing, genius. I know your mom told you that you were special, but really… you’re not.
But that’s just me talking.
Here’s what Google gave me:
Why some people feel the need to tell me to sleep a few known natural beauty?
Will the “click” Jessica Alba? True? True? Welcome to the exclusive club in the world like Buddy: “We are Jessica Alba bed 3.8 billion members. We gathered on Tuesday at the J. cookies came early – seats are limited.
Call me call me outdated hlupo … but … I think I always use that type when it comes to chicken in grocery stores … or maybe something outrageous to most people is not so glamorous. In fact, all the water that I will emphasize the fact that you do not sleep with someone who is known for the way she is. What you need to talk to “you know Brenda the Just Cuts’ Click me ‘or’ I can not help me … I see Kirstie Alley.
To say that you “click” or “press” will surely Scarlett Johanssen, Angelina Cho Lee and January Jones Kate Perry good … it just sounds stupid. If the opportunity for all of us in the world is the planet of all men the same genius. I know you are special, but you have that they do not ….
But as I said.
Kinda funny, no? It’s like being able to convert anything I write into a Chinese restaurant menu!
FRIDAY FUN: WTF, Rite Aid?
So… yesterday, Lisa and I needed to run some errands. One of the stops was at our local Rite Aid, so Lisa could pick up some lipstick. Having no interest in lipstick, I just wandered around the store while Lisa decided between “salmon” and “coral”. I managed to stumble upon some “limited edition” coconut M&Ms. Being a fan of all things coconut, I just had to try them… but check out my receipt:
Now, I’m not one of those “save the planet” types, especially when it comes to paper – which comes from trees, which can easily be replanted. But come on, people… Do I really need 16″ worth of receipt for one 88¢ bag of M&Ms? WTF Rite Aid!
By the way, the M&Ms were crazy delicious!