jimcofer.com

Hey, y’all! Simon here! Wellllll… do I have egg on my face or what? The Simon went 0-4 on Wild Card weekend… I haven’t been shut out like that since one time I went to a biker bar!

Let’s see if ol’ Simon can do better this weekend! 

 

New Orleans at Seattle: Simon was sure that New Orleans would stink it up on the road… and – of course – they played like champs! Not sure about this weekend, though. The Saints still aren’t a good road team, and they’re headed into one of the toughest venues in all of football. And they’re gonna have to go against that handsome Russell Wilson, too! Eeeek! The Simon thinks the Seahawks will win, but it’ll be close.

Indianapolis at New England: I keep thinking about how weak this Patriots team looks, but they just keep winning and winning! And no one in football knows how to win big games better than Tom Terrific and Emperor Palpatine Bill Belichick. The Colts might make it a game, but I think the Patriots win in the end.

San Francisco at Carolina: OMG, girl! Are you excited? I KNOW I am! My HOMETOWN Carolina Kitties are gonna take on the 49ers and that big doofus Colin Kaepernick… and win! At least I hope so. The Cardiac Cats beat them once already this season, and knowing them it’ll come down to the last minute. But I hope, hope, hope my main man Cam is able to pull out a win for the Panthers! Y’all know I’ll be drinking a cup of steamin’ hot chocolate in his honor this Sunday!

San Diego at Denver: Y’all wanna know something amazing? These two teams have played each other over a hundred times… but have never faced each other in the playoffs! That’s wild! We all know the Broncos can be vulnerable, but I think Mr Forehead Pey Pey will lead the team to victory this week, setting up another Manning-Brady rematch for the ages! So take the Broncos to win this one, baby!

Fingers crossed I do better this week! Love y’all!

XOXOXOXOXO

– The Simon

Hey, y’all! Sorry these picks are so late! I’ve been busy, busy the past few days napping and well… you know how it is! Simon knocked it out of the park last week, going 14-2. That’s 162-93 for the season, which isn’t too shabby! But Wildcard Weekend is upon us, and with how WILD the NFL has been this season, who knows? I’ll do my best to pick those winners, however! Enjoy the picks!

 

Kansas City at Indianapolis: Well, this one is confusing! Both teams ended the regular season at 11-5, and in The Simon’s opinion, Kansas City has looked better overall than the Colts. And the Chiefs even almost beat the Chargers last week with mostly second and third stringers. But while I’m wanting to pick Kansas City, I can’t help but remember that the Chiefs also went 1-5 against teams with winning records this year. WHAT DO I DO? I think I’ll pick a team based on how fabulous their uniforms are. BUT DANGIT… they’re both so boring! Kansas City… red and boring. Indianapolis… blue and boring. So let’s decide the game based on who has the cutest quarterback! Andrew Luck sure can be cute at times… but can also look like a dumb jock, too. Alex Smith is also a dumb jock, but is slightly more handsome. So I’m picking the Chiefs!

New Orleans at Philadelphia: OK, this one’s a little bit easier. If the Saints were playing at home, it would be a no-brainer to pick them to win. But while the Saints were a perfect 8-0 at home this year, they were also a middling 3-5 on the road. And the Saints are a dome team… playing in 20F weather! There will be an estimated two to three million pounds of snow at the Linc before the game. Sure, Drew Brees is handsome, and has plenty of experience in winning the big games… but I just think Mother Nature (and Nick Foles) will lead the Eagles to victory. But it could be close.

San Diego at Cincinnati: This will be the least interesting game of the playoffs. Sure, Philip Rivers knows how to win, and the Chargers have won four in a row. But the Bengals just have too much talent overall, especially on defense. I think this is the closest thing to a “lock” in the playoffs!

San Francisco at Green Bay: Now THIS should be a game, girls! Sunday’s high temperature is expected to be 3F in Green Bay, and by kickoff, the mercury should be at a bitterly cold -2F… and that’s not including wind chill! The Packers will be handing out free handwarmers and will be giving away free coffee and hot chocolate during the game… but boy will it be HOT on the field! That handsome Aaron Rodgers is back, baby, and he’s playing on his own turf. Most money is on San Francisco in this game, but I think the Packers will win by virtue of surviving in Green Bay.

Enjoy the picks, y’all! See ya next week!

XOXOXOX

– The Simon

Hey hey hey, y’all! Simon here! Hope everybody had a Merry Christmas! Simon rocked a 10-6 last week, for a season total of 148-91. But I’m feelin’ GOOD about this week’s picks! Lets’ see if I can hit ’em out of the park, y’all! 

 

 

Carolina at Atlanta: Cam Newton is gonna make it rain dollah dollah bills at the Georgia Dome, y’all! And the Panthers’ defense will keep the pedal to the metal, squashing the Durty Burds all over the pavement, yo! Ain’t gotta be a football genius like me to see that the Panthers will win this one!

Baltimore at Cincinnati: It’s a bad week to be a bird, and a good week to be a kitty, you guys! Those poor ratbirds (hehehe!) ain’t that good on the road, and those big, bad Tigers are gonna FEAST on bird this week! Take the Bengals, kids!

Houston at Tennessee: A challenging game between two Southern teams no one cares about, and who have no hope of going to the playoffs! Woo-wee! FUN! Take the Titans. Better yet, take a whiskey and a Valium and enjoy your nap!

Jacksonville at Indianapolis: Speaking of snoozers… Take the Colts to win this one. If you’re one of the markets that has this game, consider taking a walk instead, or take your friends out to brunch!

New York Jets at Miami: Could this be Rexie’s last game as head coach of the Jets? Let’s hope not: that gross toe-sucker is just too inadvertently amusing. Rex leaving would leave sports writers feeling like late night talk show hosts after GWB left office…. a big, gaping void. The game?  Oh yeah… Take the Dolphins.

Detroit at Minnesota: It’s MOTOR CITY versus… Cheese City? The City With a Lot of Nice People But Not a Much Else? Swedish City? Who knows. Hopefully the Lions will keep the Week of the Cat™ going and pull out a win against the sexy (but hapless) Vikings!

Continue reading “SIMON’S PICKS – WEEK 17”

Well hey, y’all! Simon here! Oh my! Jingle-Jingle Time is almost here, and I’m SO BUSY! I didn’t have time to write out my full commentary for this week’s games! So I’ll just give you the picks! I went 8-8 last week, and am 138-85 this season. Is The Simon losing his touch? Enjoy the picks, and have a HO-HO-HO-Holiday! Love y’all!

 

Miami at Buffalo: Dolphins

Minnesota at Cincinnati: Bengals

Indianapolis at Kansas City: Chiefs

Tampa Bay at St. Louis: Rams

New York Jets at Cleveland: Browns

Dallas at Washington: Cowboys

New Orleans at Carolina: PANTHERS!

Tennessee at Jacksonville: Titans

Denver at Houston: Broncos

New York Giants at Detroit: Lions

Arizona at Seattle: Seahawks

Pittsburgh at Green Bay: Packers

Oakland at San Diego: Chargers

New England at Baltimore: Patriots

Chicago at Philadelphia: Eagles

Atlanta at San Francisco: 49ers

 

Merry Christmas, y’all!

XOXOXO

– Simon