Hey, ya’ll! Simon here! I’m not much of a football fan, but my daddy loves the game so most Sundays I watch those handsome, sweaty mens on the TV… and let me tell you something: I know fabulous, so here are my picks for week 6!
Panthers at Falcons: You’d think I’d pull for my hometown kitties, wouldn’t you? After all, they’ve got that young, sexy stud Cam Newton… and that Steve Smith, who I know from personal experience has some talented hands! But I tell you what: the Birds are still smartin’ from that bare bottom spankin’ Aaron Rogers gave them on Sunday, and they’ll be out for revenge. I like Atlanta, although the Kitties will make it interesting.
Colts at Bengals: Now here are some kitties I can get behind! Without that handsome Peyton Manning, the Colts just don’t have the ju-ju to get it done, girlfriend! I normally don’t care for redheads, but that sexy Bengals rookie Andy Dalton will surely get it done this week! I take Cincinnati, big time!
49ers at Lions: Now, you know I should pull for the 49ers, because they’re from my emotional home town… And the boys from Fog City have not only looked fabulous this year, they’ve actually played pretty well, too. But my feline intuition tells me to stick with those handsome tom cats from Detroit. Matthew Stafford’s strong, manly arms and Calvin Johnson’s skull-crackin’ thighs will make mincemeat outta those boys from San Fran. Detroit will win this one, honey!
Rams at Packers: Giiiirrrrlll, lemme tell you about Clay Matthews. That masculine jaw… that chiseled chest… that long, flowing blond hair… Mmmmm-mmm-mmmm! Now, where was I? Oh yes, the pick. Well, if it were just about which makes the better gay double entendre, you’d have a tough time picking between the Rams and the Packers. Thankfully it’s not: go with Green Bay all the way, baby!
Bills at Giants: I have a confession to make: for a long time, I had no idea who “Bill” was, and why they named a football team after him. Then Daddy explained that there was this guy named “Buffalo Bill” and people in Buffalo thought it would be funny to name their team after him! Humans are weird. But in this battle of red, white and blue, I’m going for Buffalo to beat Rachel Maddow’s team! [Author’s note: Daddy has just informed me that a guy named Eli Manning, not Rachel Maddow, is the quarterback for the Giants.]
Jaguars at Steelers: Now, I normally would pick the kitties, since they’re my cousins and all. But since they’re playing my daddy’s team, I’ll have to pick Pittsburgh if I wanna get walkies this week. And besides, as Longines and Pepper would say, “nothin’ good ever came outta Jacksonville, honey!”
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