Author: Jim Cofer

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Life at KFC

Towards the end of my high school “career”, I got a job at my local KFC. Contrary to what you might think, the job wasn’t that bad, really. Sure, it was greasy. Sure, I smelt like chicken when I got off work. But all in all, it wasn’t that bad. The people were nice, and I actually enjoyed the pressure of being in a kitchen, even if that kitchen was hardly Gordon Ramsay’s.

About the only thing I didn’t like about the job were weekend mornings, especially in the summer. If the weather was nice, we’d be bombarded with people wanting buckets of chicken to take with them to the lake, or to family reunions, or to work or church picnics… you name it. All I know is that we’d start making chicken at around 9am and we wouldn’t get a break from the rush until around 2pm or so. Once we opened at 11am, I’d usually take over the drive-thru, or rarely, the front counter. Just as I enjoyed the pressure of the job, I especially liked working the drive-thru, since that was often the busiest place in the restaurant. Knowing that I liked it, the management crew always put me on the drive-thru if the schedule permitted.

Now, the actual drive-thru window at “my” KFC was what I called an “air conditioner drive-thru”: instead of a simple window that rolled back and forth like most places, my KFC drive-thru “window” was a small glass and steel box mounted to the side of the building. If you looked at it from the side, it looked something like a window-mounted air conditioner… hence my name for it. Remember this detail, as it’ll be important later.

So anyway… it was one of those crazy Sunday mornings. We’d had tons of customers buying buckets o’ bird. And we were short-staffed, which meant that I hadn’t had a break yet. I was really needing a couple of minutes away from the drive-thru window, but it just wasn’t possible. Even though I was nearing the “breaking point”, I had to soldier on.

And then this poor Korean guy pulled up to the window. I don’t remember exactly what he ordered, but I remember that it wasn’t a bucket or anything. Maybe it was a three-piece dinner or something. Whatever. I gathered everything for his order as he pulled up to the window. I opened the drive-thru window, told him his total, took his money, and gave him his change back. He asked for something – honey, I think – and I turned around, got a couple of packets of honey, and put them in the bag. I opened the window again and handed him his food… and then he said it:

“Sank you…”

Maybe it was his accent, and I just misunderstood. Maybe I wanted to hear those words. I don’t know. The Korean guy was acting completely normal… but I wasn’t. I stuck my hand in the drive-thru window’s “box” and banged my hip against the plunger that opened the drive-thru window. I extended my middle finger and shouted out at the top of my lungs:

Continue reading “Life at KFC”

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News for 01/22/2008

In my book, payday lenders barely rank above child molesters and record company executives. I mean, I’m all for capitalism, and I think that people should have the right to get a payday loan, no matter how crappy the terms of the loan may be. But still, payday lenders are nothing but parasites. My heart leaps with joy at this news: apparently Cash America, one of the nation’s largest payday loan providers, ceased offering payday loans to U.S. military personnel on October 1, 2007. This is because of a new law called the Department of Defense Military Lending Act, which caps the interest charged to military personnel at 36%. Poor ol’ Cash America decided that 36% just wasn’t enough money, so they stopped offering loans to active duty personnel. Poor bastards!

Beijing, China’s first “smoke free” restaurant chain, Meizhou Dongpo, is apparently on the verge of going out of business. The Chinese are the world’s heaviest smokers, and banning smoking has not only kept smokers away, it’s kept non-smokers who hang out with smokers away, too. Business is down around 80% at the chain; at press time, it’s unsure whether the chain would simply go out of business or give up on the “smoke free” policy.

TV Squad columnist Jay Black has posted this interesting piece about “channel drift”. Channel drift is when a cable channel “drifts” from its original raison d’etre to other, non-related programming. The Learning Channel, for instance, used to run nothing but shows about history, science, and nature. Due to “channel drift” it now shows crap like Miami Ink (a reality show about a Miami tattoo studio), Flip This House (a reality show about buying homes, fixing them up and selling them for a profit) and John and Kate Plus Eight (a reality show about a married couple with eight children). There’s precious little “learning” to be found on The Learning Channel nowadays, and Jay’s post discusses why. It’s an interesting read.

Polymer Vision, a spin-off of Dutch electronics giant Philips, has released super-sexy photos of a new device. Originally conceived as an additional screen for mobile phones, the “Readius” is the first display that can be folded back in to the device when not in use. The display is around the size of two business cards when extended, but when you want to put it away, you just push it halfway into the phone and fold the other half over the back side of the phone (see the “full size” photo link in the linked article). That’s pretty hawt!

And lastly for today… check out this article from The Onion. Apparently Jessica Simpson is an evil genius along the lines of a James Bond villain. Her goal? To disrupt the Cowboy’s 2007 season!

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Amy Winehouse: The Train Wreck Continues…

I don’t do those “celebrity death pool” things. But if I did, I’d move Amy Winehouse near the top of my list. The British singer once looked something like a slimmer Kim Kardashian but is now rail-thin… and we know exactly why that is!

The Brit tabloid The Sun recently snagged a home video of Winehouse where she: a) snorts Ecstasy off the corner of a credit card; b) snorts cocaine offered by a “friend”; c) smokes crack cocaine; d) admits to taking six valiums while smoking said crack; e) walks around her trendy apartment in a daze, oblivious to broken glass on the floor (she’s barefoot); f) ignores strangers walking around her apartment; and g) tells a friend that she not only can’t go out because the valium’s about to kick in, but that she had to be in court at 8am to support her husband (who was originally up on charges of assault, which have since been upgraded to conspiracy involving alleged witness tampering).

Look, I’m all for having fun, folks. Unlike The Sun, I don’t put the names of drugs in capital letters to make them more evil (“Winehouse was seeing taking COCAINE and the smoking CRACK before taking VALIUM!”). The truth of the matter is that most people can do a fair amount of drugs without damaging themselves. But come on! Amy Winehouse looks like a frightening mix of Auschwitz survivor and street walker. And all these drugs certainly aren’t helping her showmanship skills, either:

Watch clips from, and read all about, Amy’s new “drug tape” here.

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Cap’n Crunch Chicken

You ever have one of those recipes or dinner ideas that just sits around in your mind for a couple of years before you actually get around to making it? Cap’n Crunch Chicken is one of those dishes for me. I vaguely recalled that one of those “celebrity restaurants” (Planet Hollywood?) used Cap’n Crunch to bread their chicken. But then Lisa mentioned something about it in, oh I dunno… 2003? 2004? Something like that. Well, I just filed the idea away until last week, when we were in the cereal aisle at the grocery store. I decided to pick up some Cap’n Crunch… mostly as a breakfast food, but also to make this dish. I can’t believe I waited that long… this chicken is delicious!

Ingredients:

2 cups of original Cap’n Crunch cereal
1 package of chicken breast tenderloins (or chicken breasts)
2 eggs
milk
1/2 cup flour
salt
pepper
cooking spray

Hardware:

1 baking dish\cookie sheet (if you’re baking the chicken)
2 large Ziploc bags
1 shallow dish
1 food processor

1) Preheat oven to 375F. You may opt to deep fry this dish instead of baking, however directions will be provided for baking only.

2) If using chicken breasts, cut off excess fat and cut the chicken into strips. If using breast tenderloins, trim any excess fat off them.

3) Put Cap’n Crunch into your food processor and process into a fine powder. Lisa has one of those small (1 cup capacity) food processors; I had to process the cereal in two batches, but it worked beautifully and was easier than dragging out the full-size food processor. When done, put cereal powder into one of the Ziploc bags.

4) Crack the eggs and place them in the shallow dish. Add a splash of milk and stir vigorously until the eggs are broken up and combined with milk.

5) Put flour in remaining Ziplock bag, along with a dash each of salt and pepper.

6) OPTIONAL: Line cookie sheet\baking dish with aluminum foil for easy clean up.

7) Spray cookie sheet\baking dish with cooking spray.

8) Place all of the chicken in Ziploc bag with flour. Seal bag and shake vigorously until all pieces are coated.

9) Remove chicken from flour bag one piece at at time. Shake off excess flour and dip into egg mixture, making sure to coat chicken completely. Then move chicken piece to Ziplock bag with Cap’n Crunch, seal the bag, and shake vigorously until chicken is coated with cereal powder. Remove chicken from Ziplock and place on the cookie sheet.

10) Repeat step 9 with remaining pieces of chicken.

11) Let the chicken sit on the cookie sheet at least 5 minutes before placing in oven (this will help the cereal coating “set” on the chicken.

12) Before placing chicken in oven, spray with a light coat of cooking spray (this promotes browning).

13) Bake for approximately 25 minutes, or until chicken reaches 160F. For best results, remove chicken from oven and flip pieces over halfway through cooking time.

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New feature: SmartLinks

OK, so I thought I’d try out a new feature here. If you guys like it, great. If not, no worries.

I’ve installed a plug-in from a company called AdaptiveBlue. The plug-in is called SmartLinks. It automatically converts links to movies, books, music and more into “SmartLinks”. You can click the hightlighted word(s) to go to the original link, or you can click the little blue “SmartLink” box to open the SmartLink for that title. And once you’re in the SmartLink, you can check out the book\movie\CD at Amazon, add it to your NetFlix queue, search for it on eBay, compare prices on Shopzilla, add it to a dozen (or more) bookmarking\social sites, and more.

It’s easier to just show you instead of explaining it. I might say something like this in a review:

“the movie was funny, but not as funny as Hot Fuzz.”

You can click on “Hot Fuzz” to go to the IMDB page I originally linked to, or you can click the little blue box to open it as a SmartLink. Pretty cool, huh?

Let me know if you love it\hate it\just don’t care.

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Thanks Microsoft!

This may be another Internet hoax, but this guy is claiming that Microsoft called him last week… for an issue he was having 10 years ago!

It seems that he was having an issue with “Windows” (Windows 98? Windows NT?) waaaaayy back on January 7th, 1998. Microsoft’s tech support people gave him several things to try, and promised that they’d call him back the next day to check on the issue. Apparently one of those fixes worked, since the guy never bothered to call Microsoft back. And he either forgot that Microsoft was supposed to call him back, or was so happy that his computer now worked that he overlooked the missed call. Imagine his surprise when his parents got a call on January 8th, 2008 from Microsoft support asking if the issue was fixed! It seems that the original tech support guy fat-fingered the date, and scheduled the follow up call for 01/08/08 instead of 01/08/98.

I guess it’s kind of reassuring that Microsoft’s tech support system is that robust though, huh?

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RIGHTING THE WRONGS: Copyrights and Trademarks

Have you ever seen misinformation being spread over the Internet? The same incorrect story or fact gets repeated over and over again, and there’s little you can do about it. Oh sure, you can “reply to all” when someone sends you one of those “Bill Gates will give you $500 for forwarding this email!” emails… but when you see blogs and “reputable” websites repeat the same false story all the time, there’s not much you can do… other than get your own website and try to set the story straight. This is what I want to do with copyrights and trademarks. There’s so much misinformation out there about them, and the truth of it needs to be set free.

I see people using the terms incorrectly all the time. Several times a week, in fact. On an Internet message board, for instance, you’ll often see a question like “How can Microsoft copyright the word ‘Office’?” or “How can I tell if this 1920s cartoon character is still copyrighted?”. What these people are doing is confusing copyrights with trademarks.

Copyright is a legal protection that can be applied to an “original work of authorship”. In a nutshell, only books, music, motion pictures, computer software and a few other types of “creative work” can be copyrighted. In the United States, the Copyright Act of 1976 generally gives the owner of copyright the exclusive right to: a) reproduce the copyrighted work, b) to distribute copies or recordings of the copyrighted work; c) to perform or display the copyrighted work publicly; and d) to prepare derivative works of the copyrighted work item. So if you were to write a book, you and you alone would have the right to reproduce and distribute the book for a certain period of time. As mentioned, you and you alone would also have the sole right to make derivative works: translations of the book, film versions of the book, audiotapes of the book, etc. There is no legal requirement for you to officially register your work with the Copyright Office of the Library of Congress, although this would certainly make any subsequent legal battles much easier. Copyright law also provides a mechanism for compulsory licensing. If you write a song, for instance, you cannot prevent anyone else from singing that song. But you can demand royalty payments from them.

Continue reading “RIGHTING THE WRONGS: Copyrights and Trademarks”

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A Drive Through Uncanny Valley

In the early 1970s, Japanese researcher Masahiro Mori noticed something interesting. As someone who had spent most of his professional life working with robots, Mori noticed that the more lifelike a robot was, the more people liked it… but only to a certain point. Once the robot became too lifelike, people were repulsed by it. Some people felt physically sick when looking at extremely lifelike robots, while others ran away in fear. And while those were somewhat extreme responses, nearly everyone reported some measure of uneasiness or distress when viewing an ultra-lifelike robot. Dr. Mori, it seems, had unwittingly discovered “Uncanny Valley”.

Back when robots looked more like a pile of car parts than a person – think of the robot from Lost In Space – people looked at them as simple machines, no different, really, than a drill or garbage disposal. Which wasn’t a bad thing, mind you, but it didn’t engender any feelings of warmth for the robots, either. People felt the same way about video games and displays of “virtual people” (like, say a “virtual teller” at an ATM); as long as the representations of people were crude, people had no problem with it.

But technology marches on, and soon video games had people that looked incredibly lifelike. Japanese researchers developed robots that were almost indistinguishable from real people. Hollywood found that movies could be made solely with computer-generated people. And Internet companies developed “virtual people” that could work the customer service desk or be “online ambassadors” for companies. And all of these creeped people out. The question was… why?

Continue reading “A Drive Through Uncanny Valley”

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RIGHTING THE WRONGS: McDonald’s Apple Pies

Have you ever seen misinformation being spread over the Internet? The same incorrect story gets repeated over and over again, and there’s little you can do about it. Oh sure, you can “reply to all” when someone sends you one of those “Bill Gates will give you $500 for forwarding this email!” emails… but when you see blogs and “reputable” websites repeat the same false story all the time, there’s not much you can do… other than get your own website and try to set the story straight. This is what I want to do with McDonalds’ apple pies. There’s so much misinformation out there about them, and the truth of it needs to be set free.

For years, McDonald’s sold fried apple pies in its restaurants. In fact, they still do in many overseas locations. However, in 1992 the company switched to a baked apple pie at all of its US locations.

The reason(s) for the switch have been fodder for “Internet conspiracy theorists” ever since.

Some claim that several people were burned by the hot filling, leading California (or Texas or New York, depending on who’s telling the story) to “ban” the pies. And so, because California (or Texas or New York) banned the pies, McDonalds opted to simply replace them nationwide for supply-chain reasons. After all, it wouldn’t make a lot of financial sense to make 1 type of pie for California (or Texas or New York) and another type for the other 49 states.

Others claim that California (or Texas or New York) banned them for health reasons. But why the company would be “banned” from selling fried apple pies, but not from selling Big Macs or Quarter Pounders remains unexplained.

The truth of the matter is that baked apple pies last much longer in the “holding oven” than their fried counterparts. The fried apple pies only lasted around 30 minutes in the holding oven, while the new baked pies can last for up to 2 hours. This leads to less waste, which has saved McDonald’s millions in the 15 years it’s been baking pies instead of frying them. And that’s what the switch was all about, really: saving money. That the new baked pies are perceived as healthier didn’t hurt the decision-making process at McDonald’s headquarters, either. In reality, though, the baked pies are not much healthier than the fried ones. When people want pie, they want a nice flaky crust. To get that crust, you need to mix shortening and flour. And in doing that, you get fat in the product. So they’re not much healthier than the fried pies, and to me they don’t taste as good… but they’re still pretty awesome!

Here’s what you need to take away from this article:

  1. McDonalds’ apple pies were never “banned” by any government agency anywhere in the United States.
  2. McDonalds switched to the baked pies because they last longer in the holding oven, thus reducing waste and saving the company money.
  3. The fact that the new baked pies were thought of as “healthier” probably influenced the decision to switch over, but it was not the sole factor in that decision.
  4. The baked pies aren’t that much better for you than the fried ones.
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News for 01/15/2008

Let’s see just how fast I can crank out the news today!

Have you seen those UPS “whiteboard” commercials? You know, the ones with the smug lookin’ guy drawing stuff on a whiteboard? (If not, click here) Anyway, am I the only one that’s amused by the background music… which was done by a band called (wait for it…) The Postal Service??

Speaking of music, the Coachella Festival is rumored to be adding a second event this year… on the east coast! The festival – full name: The Coachella Valley Music And Arts Festival – has been a fixture on the Left Coast for some time now, and it’s about time that people on the Right Coast got in on the goodness! According to rumors, the Coachella Festival will take place in April, while the east coast version will take place in New York or New Jersey in August or September. Cool!

You know who took the stage at last year’s Coachella Festival? Scarlett Johansson. She went onstage with The Jesus And Mary Chain to sing “Just Like Honey” (you know…’cos of the film Lost In Translation). By all accounts, she did pretty well… well enough for someone to let her record an album of Tom Waits covers, which is due to be released on May 6, 2008.

Four major Hollywood studios canceled dozens of writer’s contracts today. This is a sign that 20th Century Fox Television, CBS Paramount Network Television, NBC Universal and Warner Bros. Television think that the current TV season is over, so the earliest we’ll see new (non-reality) TV is next September. This move is also a bad sign for next season, however: normally at this time, the TV studios are looking at pilots for shows they want to run in September. With the strike on, nothing’s been produced… so the strike is now starting to cut into next season. And, for what it’s worth, the entire city of Los Angeles is beginning to feel the pinch: not only are the people involved in TV directly starting to feel the pinch, but so are caterers, party planners, florists, and more. The cancellation of the Golden Globe Awards alone meant that dozens of parties were canceled, and some people in those industries are facing layoffs.

Anthony Bourdain has a new blog.

Brain scans have proven that people enjoy wine more if they think it’s expensive.

Renting a car? Watch out: Dollar is now charging a $2 “top-off fee”, even if you bring the car back with a full tank!

A man dressed as a Brinks employee walked in to a Wachovia bank in Washington, DC. He was handed $100,000 by bank employees, then left. The real Brinks employee came in an hour later and was told that Brinks had already shown up. Rather that report it to his home office, the employee just went about his business and didn’t bother telling anyone until he’d gotten back to the office. By the time anyone figured out what had happened, 11 hours had passed.

Lastly… what’s with Wegman’s? The upscale grocery chain recently decided to stop selling all tobacco-related products… and now they’ve put in a policy where children that want to order sandwiches from the deli must have an adult present! Wegman’s says the move is to prevent children with food allergies from ordering something that can hurt them. I think Wegman’s lawyers simply don’t have any balls.