Free “Brolly” from Bass

St. Patrick’s Day is almost upon us, and I’m sure many folks out there will spend at least part of the day downing Guinness or Bass Ale. Some of you might even enjoy a “Black and Tan”, a layered drink with ale on the bottom and stout on the top. If you’ve ever wanted to make a Black and Tan at home but just weren’t good with a spoon (you pour ale into a pint glass and then slowly pour stout over the back of a spoon into the glass), you might want to check out a freebie Bass is giving out:

It’s called the “Brolly”. Brolly is the English word for “umbrella”, and the little widget that Bass is giving out works in much the same way: you pour a glass half full of pale ale, then place the Brolly on top of the glass. You then pour stout into the triangle at the center of the Brolly. The stout slowly trickles out of small holes on the sides of the triangle, making a perfect Black and Tan every time!

Bass reps might give these out at your local watering hole on St. Patrick’s Day, but you can sign up to get one for free at bass.com. You’ve gotta be 21 years of age or older,  this offer is not available in certain states, yadda-yadda-yadda, etc., etc.

Ashes to Ashes: Season 1, Episode 6

Oh… my.. God! After last week’s disappointment, I was afraid that Ashes to Ashes was going downhill… that I’d one day say that “Ashes was just OK, but it couldn’t hold a candle to Life On Mars“. But then there was this week’s episode, which was simply outstanding in every possible way. Almost every complaint I lodged in last week’s recap was addressed in this episode… and in the most awesome way! Episode 6 is, so far, the best episode of the series. So strap yourself in and let’s get to it:

The episode begins with Alex having a dream. To the strains of Soft Cell’s “Tainted Love”, we see her toss and turn in the sheets. She abruptly wakes up and finds her bedroom transformed into a cinema for one. On the wall opposite, a home movie is playing that shows a young Alex playing with a Rubik’s Cube. In the film, she’s sitting on the sofa in her childhood home; she becomes frustrated with the toy and throws it to the floor. This causes her mother (who has been sitting next to her on the sofa) to get up, pick up the cube, and encourage young Alex not to give up so easily. Caroline asks young Alex about the “seven steps to solving the puzzle”, to which Alex replies that the first step is to align the corners of the cube. In the film, Caroline then asks young Alex where she got the Rubik’s Cube. Adult Alex, who has remembered everything about the film from her childhood suddenly panics: she can’t remember where she got the Rubik’s Cube. As she desperately tries to remember where it came from, her bed is slowly covered with a thick layer of frost. She flashes back to the bullet heading towards her head in 2008, then has the sensation of falling… into a bed with red satin sheets. And someone else is in bed with her. Just as that person starts to roll over and reveal themselves, Adult Alex is woken up by Gene’s fist hitting her desk. She has, apparently, been asleep at her desk the entire time.

Gene is rounding up the crew to because he’s received a tip about the impending robbery of a post office on Northington Road. While en route, Viv radios them to tell them that the robbery has, in fact, already happened, and that two suspects were seen taking off on a motorcycle. As luck would have it, almost as soon as Viv is finished describing the men, they appear on the street in front of Hunt and Co. A high-speed chase ensues, with Hunt pushing his lovely red Quattro to the limit. They eventually lose the suspects when the the bandits take their bike down a narrow pedestrian walkway.

Having lost the robbers, Hunt and crew go to the post office to interview witnesses. The clerk, who is Indian (Asian, for you Brits out there) describes the robbery in detail, including such details as how he (the clerk) makes a tiny rip in each pound note and how the crooks even took his statute of Krishna. As he’s describing the Krishna statue, Gene interrupts to ask how, if the robbers were wearing masks, he knew that one of them was old and one of them was young. The clerk replies that he could tell their ages by their body movements and the timbre of their voices (OT: kudos to the actor for pronouncing it correctly: “tamber”). When Alex asks if any of them had an accent, the clerk says that they “weren’t Welsh”, because “Welsh people sound like they’re from Calcutta”. The clerk knows that one of the robbers was American, and he knows it for a fact because his wife is addicted to Hill Street Blues. He further states that the younger one, the American, kept “asking if I was talking to him”. The clerk is oblivious that the robber was quoting Travis Bickle, Robert De Niro’s character in Taxi Driver. Chris begins doing the routine, and the clerk is astonished that Chris could mimic the robber so.

Having gotten all the useful information they could from the clerk, the crew go outside to discuss the case. Hunt asks Alex what she would do. While Hunt and Drake are talking, Ray and Chris start making fun of the clerk’s accent. They mimic the clerk talking about how the older robber fired his shotguns, specifically, how the robber fired the guns, then crossed them against his chest. Hunt glares at them, causing them to stop. He asks them to do it again with the hand gestures, which makes him think of Chas Cale, a criminal from Hunt’s days in Manchester. Cale’s signature move was crossing his guns across his chest like a Mexican revolutionary. The gang go back to the car, where Hunt radios the station and asks Shaz to have Viv look in to Cale’s current whereabouts. When he’s done, everyone decides to light up – Chris and Ray light up cigarettes, while Gene fires up one of his trademark cigarillos. Drake tells them that second-hand smoke kills, and as soon as she says the work “kill”, she feels a deathly chill.

Offscreen, Hunt and Co. are apparently told that Cale is now a chef in a London restaurant, because the Quattro then pulls up in front of one. Hunt tells Alex, Ray and Chris how he busted Cale for an armed robbery back in Manchester, but somehow Cale got off on a technicality. The boys get out of the car to enter the restaurant, but Alex stays behind. She feels her body temperature dropping, and her (1981) mind is losing the ability to make connections. She stares at her hands, wondering how to increase the temperature of her (2008) body. Things go into soft focus. She looks up and sees The Clown peering at her through the windshield. The Clown stares at her, then slowly breathes on the glass, causing frost to instantly form:

Ashes to Ashes (Ep 6, 1)

Her daydream\hallucination is interrupted by Hunt, who asks Alex if she’s planning to join the rest of them.

Inside the restaurant, the team sit at a table and ask for Cale. While Cale’s being fetched, Chris has a looks at the menu, then calls the place “high class” because they have a T-bone steak on the menu “for £3.20… without the chips!” I don’t know if this is supposed to be a wry comment about the condition of British cuisine of the 70s and 80s, or if it’s a wink and a nod towards today’s “celebrity chef culture”, but it was amusing nonetheless. Anyway, Chas denies any involvement with the robbery. He’s the chef of a restaurant, you see, and how could he be robbing a post office if he was there doing the lunch service? Hunt nevertheless brings Cale and his wife Jane into the station for questioning. There, Jane says that Chas has developed epilepsy with an extreme case of arrhythmia. Chas pulls off his “Medic Alert” type necklace, and shows Hunt the “I am an epileptic” card he carries in his wallet. Jane gives Gene the hard sell, talking about how Chas can’t handle any stress, how such stress could kill him, and how she took him away from “that life” eight years ago. Hunt, angry because he has no evidence that Cale is involved (and possibly angry that he won’t be able to “hang one” on the criminal he pursued so long ago), lets the man go. Hunt and Drake then get into another shouting match: Gene is convinced that Chas is too old and sick to pull off the robbery; Alex is convinced that Chas is lying. Gene storms off to the pub, but not before insulting Alex by telling her “at least Chas knew when to hang it up”. Chris asks Shaz to go out to a nice restaurant with him, which leads Ray to call him a “poof”. Shaz, initially wanting to go but sensing the tension between the two, says that she might be busy that evening. Ray then says “yeah, that’s what I thought” while Shaz looks at her desk and Ray looks away. Tension, anyone?

Back at home, Alex continues to feel her temperature drop. She has more flashes – of the Rubik’s Cube, of her parents… of the death of her parents – and she decides that she won’t die without saying goodbye to her mother. She goes to Caroline’s house, where she comes “this close” to telling Caroline that she (Caroline) is Alex’s mother. She comes soooo close, but ends up in tears:

Ashes to Ashes (Ep 6, 2)

She goes back to the station. Gene is in an awful mood, because he has no ideas about the case now that Chas has been eliminated. After another shouting match between Alex and Gene, Alex sends Chris and Ray on a pub crawl near the pedestrian walkway (she’s convinced the robbers were local to the area, since they knew about the walkway). Gene storms out of his office to find out where Alex is sending Ray and Chris and, finding out that it’s a pub crawl, goes to get his car keys. Shaz helpfully holds up Hunt’s keys, but Alex snatches them away from her. Shaz tells Gene that they must be on his desk. Alex sneaks out and takes the Quattro!

She takes Gene’s car to the restaurant, where she takes all the trash bags. She pulls up to the station just as Gene is outside telling Viv where his car was parked. He becomes enraged when he sees Alex pull up in his pride and joy, and becomes even more angry when she opens the trunk, revealing piles of garbage in Gene’s prized car. He’s so angry, in fact, that he throws Alex off his team:

Ashes to Ashes (Ep 6, 3)

Alex stashes the trash bags in the evidence room… where The Clown visits her yet again. He’s interrupted by Shaz, who walks in to ask if Alex is OK. Alex says that she’s OK, but asks Shaz to keep an eye on the trash bags, as they’re evidence.

At the pub, Ray and Chris are busying checking out the “amazing graphics” on a brand new video game the pub has just installed: Space Invaders. At the same time, Gene is busy having a drink at Luigi’s. Luigi asks Gene where the rest of the crew and the “lovely senorina” is. Gene says that they crew are busy and he doesn’t care what happens to the “lovely senorina”. Luigi is convinced that Gene has a “thing” for Alex, although Gene vehemently denies it.

Meanwhile, Alex is in her room above Luigi’s. She continues to feel worse and worse. Since she’s seen (and talked to) her daughter on occasion in 1981, she calls out for Molly. She wants to tell her goodbye and apologize for not getting back to her in 2008. She soon falls asleep, where she’s visited by The Clown once again. Although she was ready to let go just a few minutes earlier, she now decides that it’s too soon to die. She shakes uncontrollably as she says this. She’s weak. She lies down again, where The Clown visits her again, and she has the same dream of falling into a bed.

She’s pulled back into reality by Gene. He’s been downstairs in the bar, and Luigi has finally talked him in to coming upstairs to talk to Alex. Gene sees that Alex looks awful, so he takes her downstairs for a drink. Alex is still cold, but she’s much more.. alive now that she has Gene to argue with. Her color is better and she’s stopped shaking. She tells Gene how awful he is, and how he’s going to lose Chris and Ray because he doesn’t give them any responsibility. Just at that moment, the phone rings. It’s Chris calling for Gene: while playing Space Invaders, they’ve overheard an American voice doing the “you talkin’ to me?” routine that the post office clerk mentioned. They’ve nailed one of the guys from the motorcycle, and they have him back at the station.

They hope. As Gene and Alex enter the station (followed by Chris, who won’t stop talking about his “collar”), they turn the corner to see a young boy. Chris asks Ray where the suspect is, and Ray replies that he “left him with you” while he went to get some things for the young boy. It appears that the guys have lost the suspect. So much for “giving them more responsibility”! As it turns out, the suspect has only gone to the bathroom. The young man says that he doesn’t know anything about any robbery, and Hunt takes him away to the interrogation room for further questioning. Alex initially stays behind with the boy – the suspect’s nephew – who starts talking, but is interrupted by Evan White, who has just come to check on Alex. Alex says that she’s much better, but their meeting is cut short by Gene, who calls her into the interrogation room.

The young man, Billy, says that he was at the hospital all day. His sister was giving birth, you see, and she had requested that Billy be there. Gene and Alex can’t understand why the sister would want her brother at the birth – especially since she’s on good terms with the husband, who was there at the hospital – and Billy says that that’s because the baby was interracial. His sister was having an affair with a black man because her husband occasionally beat her up. In fact, the police were called for a domestic disturbance at the sister’s house. Everything with Billy has a paper trail, it seems. They let him go, too.

Alex decides that it’s time to go through the trash bags she’d gathered from the Cales. The team has apparently never heard of going through trash as an investigative tool, because it seems all new to them – and Alex has to tell them to keep every scrap of paper they find. Aside from piles and piles of meat, the crew find all kinds of paper to help them. Alex explains how trash sorting works and how it’s used as a tool. Chris, as usual, is all excited to learn new things, while Ray quickly has his fill of going through the garbage. They all stop, however, when Gene hangs up the phone and kicks a file cabinet.

Billy is apparently dead. Shot in the face. Murdered. Donny (Billy’s nephew, the young boy mentioned earlier) witnessed the murder. Alex goes to talk with him, and Donny tells her that after the police dropped them off at Billy’s house, Billy got a phone call. He put Donny in the car and the two of them drove to the murder site. Billy then took some money out of a backpack and handed it to the man, who shot him in the back of the head. He hands Alex the backpack, which contains the clerk’s Krishna and lots of bills – each one ripped as the clerk described. Billy, it seems was involved in the robbery. Donny says Billy met a “tall man” at the scene, and Billy gave the man money. As Billy turned to walk back to the car, the man shot Billy in the back of the head. Gene tries pressing Donny for more information, while Alex shoos him off.

Since today was Donny’s birthday, Alex and Gene take him back to Luigi’s for an impromptu birthday party. Gene again presses Billy for more information, and Alex again tells him to lay off. While they’re discussing it, Donny plays with a cassette player in the background. He admits that he and Billy weren’t at the hospital, and that Billy had dropped him off in a park. He says that Billy met a man on a motorcycle – with the same helmet Viv described earlier. He also says that the man Billy met in the park was not the same man that killed him. Hunt, having all he needs for the moment, leaves Donny in Alex’s care. Alex protests, saying she’s not in good health. Hunt doesn’t care. As soon as Gene leaves, Donny tells Alex to have a drink of Coke with him. He wants to “raise and glass and say ‘chas’ with her. When Alex corrects him that it’s “cheers”, Donny says that he’s just saying it the say Billy did when he “high-fived” the man on the motorcycle. Alex knows that Chas is the other suspect.

She goes to her mother’s house to beg her to look after Donny while she goes to bust Chas. While standing there begging her mom to take Donny, Alex realizes that she doesn’t remember a boy coming to stay with them when she was a little girl. She takes this as another sign that she’s dying, since she can’t remember it. Caroline says that Alex isn’t there at the moment. Alex, relieved that this is the reason she doesn’t remember it, smiles and takes off to take down to Chas.

She rings the bell, and eventually Jane Cale comes to unlock the door. Chas reiterates that he couldn’t have pulled off the robbery. Alex begins getting a bit too close to home with her facts, and Chas looks uneasy. She then mentions that Billy has been murdered, which genuinely shocks him. As Alex is continuing, Jane comes up from behind and knocks her unconscious with some object. The two drag her to the kitchen, where Jane gets some rags to tie up Alex. It seems that Jane is the brains of the operation, and she furious at Chas for pulling off a robbery and getting police attention “after everything I’ve put together here”. They tie up Alex, who is now awake but really out of it, and drag her to walk-in freezer. Alex screams at the top of her lungs and the adrenaline starts pumping as she realizes her situation.

Meanwhile, Gene is back at the station. He’s looking at the Cale’s garbage and wondering why someone would throw away all that meat, especially since a lot of it was still before its “sell-by date”. Shaz says “it’s like they were never gonna use it”. Just then, Ray and Chris walk up. They’ve been going through the trash at Billy’s house, and have found an old pay slip from Chas Cale’s restaurant. Billy, it seems, used to work there. Gene immediately turns around and walks out of the station.

Back in the freezer, The Clown again visits Alex. I guess it’s a bit obvious to everyone now, but it’s never explicitly been stated on the show: “The Clown” is actually the Angel of Death. And he’s coming for Alex. She’s all alone, wounded, trapped and hog-tied in a walk-in freezer. Gene arrives at the restaurant and rings the bell. When no one answers, he rings it again for a long time. Chas begins having a seizure, and Jane stays with him. Gene begins walking around the restaurant, looking for a way in. The Angel of Death gets closer and closer to Alex. She looks at him in complete fear:

Ashes to Ashes (Ep 6, 4)

The music gets faster and faster as Hunt keeps looking for a way in, the Cales continue with their medical emergency, and the Angel of Death gets ever closer to Alex. Scenes from Alex’s childhood fly through her mind. The music gets faster. Hunt screams to open the bloody door. Gene then sees Alex’s police ID on the floor. The frantic music stops. Gene takes a few steps back, pulls out his revolver, and fires at the door, just as Ultravox’s “Vienna” begins playing:

Ashes to Ashes (Ep 6, 5)

It’s a bit cliché I suppose, but honestly, it was one of the most memorable moments in my personal history of television. The glass falls to the ground in slow motion as the song continues:

Walked in the cold air
Freezing breath on the window plane
Lying and waiting
A man in the dark in a picture frame
So mystic and soulful
A voice reaching out in a piercing cry
It stays with you…

The Angel of Death still approaches Alex. But as he fades in and out of focus, his face is swapped for Gene’s. Alex is dying. She gives up and closes her eyes.

The next thing you know, Gene is carrying her out of the freezer, just as the music kicks in:

The feeling has gone only you and I
It means nothing to me
This means nothing to me
Oh, Vienna

He throws Alex on a sofa and rips her shirt open to begin CPR. He keeps trying, but Alex doesn’t respond. “Don’t you dare!” Gene orders her. He goes to begin CPR… when Alex suddenly wakes up. Gene has saved her.

Back at the station, Ray and Chris are all smiles since they were able to give the clerk his Krishna back. Shaz tends to Alex’s head, and Ray and Gene being to explain the whole scam to the rest of the crew. Jane and Chas bought the restaurant with dirty money and operated it as a loss in order to sell it (and make “clean money”). Gene tells Alex that he’s taking her home. In the hallway, Gene asks Alex is she wants to go have a drink. She spies Donny (the little boy), who begs her to go to the hospital to see his little brother. And who should be supervising the boy but Evan White, who points to the Rubik’s Cube that Gene and Alex gave him at his “birthday party” and mentions that he’d recently gotten one for Caroline’s daughter. Alex now remembers where the Rubik’s Cube came from. Alex goes with Evan and the boy, thus standing Gene up. As she walks through the doors of the station, however, she has the daydream of falling into the bed again. And the person in bed with her? Gene Hunt. And the very best thing about the scene? Japan’s “Ghosts” is playing in the background!

Honestly, if you are at all a fan of British New Wave bands, you must watch this show.

My thoughts on this episode: “oh yeah, that’s why I bought a goddamn TV!

And next week’s episode looks even darker.

Thank you, Kudos Productions. I’m sorry to have doubted you.

MUSIC HEARD IN THIS EPISODE:

Soft Cell – “Tainted Love”
The Skids – “Into The Valley”
Roxy Music – “Same Old Scene”
The Beat – “Mirror In The Bathroom”
Spandau Ballet – “Chant No. 1”
Kim Wilde – “Kids In America”
Ultravox – “Vienna”
The Stranglers – “Golden Brown”
Japan – “Ghosts”

HoB “deposes” two bishops; ACN Responds

The House of Bishops of The Episcopal Church today voted to “depose” two bishops related to the Anglican Communion Network. The bishops are the Rt. Rev. John David Schofield of the Diocese of San Joaquin and the Rt. Rev. William Jackson Cox, retired Bishop Suffragan of Maryland. Before the action was taken, both bishops had come under the care of another province of the Anglican Communion, rendering the action of the House of Bishops a symbolic, but essentially meaningless, gesture.

“This is a bit like saying ‘you can’t quit, you’re fired!'” said the Rev. Canon Daryl Fenton, Chief Operating Officer for the Network. “It will have no practical effect on the ministry of these two godly leaders, but instead makes crystal clear the scorched earth policy that the current leadership of The Episcopal Church intends to prosecute against those who can not in good conscience follow them out of the Christian mainstream.”

“There is no question that both Bishop Cox and Bishop Schofield remain bishops in the Anglican Communion and will continue in ministry. We at the Network are thankful for their willingness to witness for the truth of the Gospel and fully intend to support them in their ongoing ministry,” he added.

News for 03/12/2008

Many computer users (including yours truly) have whined about the crappy performance of Windows Vista. Many (again including yours truly) have wondered aloud what Vista’s successor will be like, and if it’ll be as awful as Windows Vista. Well guess what? The successor to Vista just arrived, and it’s called Windows Server 2008. Apparently the folks over at informationweek.com have put Server 2008 through its paces and found that, after some tweaking to make Server act more like a desktop OS, Server 2008 ran 20% faster than Vista on the same hardware. The post’s author, David Methvin, calls “Windows Workstation 2008”, the “speediest and most secure version of Windows to come along in a decade”. Hmmmm.. I’ll have to check that out!

Pour a bit of your 40 on the ground for the F-117 fighter jet. On April 21st, all remaining F-117s will depart from Holloman Air Force Base in New Mexico for their final resting place: Tonopah Test Range Airfield in Nevada. This brilliant piece of military technology is being retired to make way for the Air Force’s newest badass fighter, the F-22 Raptor. We’re sad to see the F-117 go… but since the F-22 is reputed to be “the most outstanding fighter plane ever built”, we’re not worried.

Speaking of “new tech”, the TSA screeners at one airport could not believe that a man’s AirBook was actually a real, functioning computer. Several agents huddled around the mysterious device, confused by the thin size, lack of ports of the back, and the lack of an internal hard drive. Eventually the agents let the guy go (with the laptop), but not before the poor schlub missed his flight.

The British continue their Orwellian march towards INGSOC with the ThruVision camera system, a device that the BBC says uses “terahertz rays, or T-rays” to passively scan people for metal objects. It can see through clothes and find any number of objects, including weapons and drugs. The scary device has already been ordered by the Dubai Mercantile Exchange and Canary Wharf in London.

System administrators might want to change their tune about Bitorrent. According to this article at Ars Technica, a university in the Netherlands was able to send 22TB worth of patches to 6,500 computers in 4 hours using a Bittorrent-based technology. If you’re at all involved in system administration, you’re going to want to read this article; it’s simply astounding what these folks put together.

Lastly for today… Dawn Wells, who played the perky “Mary Ann” on Gilligan’s Island, is apparently a pothead.

Google Calendar Sync

Google Calendar SyncDo you use both an Outlook Calendar and a Google Calendar? Maybe you’re required to use an Outlook Calendar at work, but use a Google Calendar at home or with your mobile phone. Maybe you’ve wanted the ability to synchronize the two…

Now you can! Just download Google Calendar Sync and you’ll be on your way! You can choose to have two-way synchronization between the calendars or only one-way only (from Google Calendar to your Outlook Calendar, or from your Outlook Calendar to your Google Calendar only).

It’s from Google, it’s free, and it works.

Today Is My Birthday!

Today, March 11, is my birthday! According to the New York Times, not much of interest happened on this day in history:

  • In 1810, Emperor Napoleon of France was married by proxy to Archduchess Marie Louise of Austria.
  • In 1941, President Roosevelt signed into law the Lend-Lease Bill, providing war supplies to countries fighting the Axis.
  • In 1970, the album “Deja Vu” by Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young was released on this date.
  • In 1977, more than 130 hostages held in Washington, D.C., by Hanafi Muslims were freed after ambassadors from three Islamic nations joined negotiations.
  • In 1978, Palestinian guerrillas went on a rampage on the Tel Aviv-Haifa highway, killing 34 Israelis.
  • In 1985, Mikhail S. Gorbachev was chosen to succeed the late Soviet President Konstantin Chernenko.
  • In 1993, Janet Reno was unanimously confirmed by the Senate to be the nation’s first “female” attorney general.
  • In 1997, musician Paul McCartney of the Beatles was knighted by Queen Elizabeth II.
  • In 2004, 10 bombs exploded in quick succession across the commuter rail network in Madrid, Spain, killing 191 people and wounding more than 2,000.
  • In 2005, a man being escorted to court for trial in Atlanta took a gun from a sheriff’s deputy and went on a deadly rampage, killing four people, including a judge.
  • In 2006, former Serb leader Slobodan Milosevic was found dead of a heart attack in his prison cell in the Netherlands.

Aside from the marriage of a tyrant, the death of another and a lame rock album being released, not much good happened on my birthday, no?

Here’s who shares my birthday:

– People that are still alive:

Rupert Murdoch, media mogul, is 77 today!
Sam Donaldson, broadcast journalist, is 74 today!
Supreme Court justice Antonin Scalia is 72 today!
Bobby McFerrin, the “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” singer is 58 today!
Jerry Zucker, director of Airplane! and other films, is 58 today!
Nina Hagen, the German New Wave singer, is 53 today!
Lisa Loeb, pop star, turns 40 today!
Johnny Knoxville, of Jackass fame, is 37 today!
The Madden Brothers (of Good Charlotte) are 29 today!
Lil’ Thora Birch is 26 today!

– People that are no longer alive:

Torquato Tasso, Italian poet of the late Renaissance
John McLean, Supreme Court justice; dissented in Dred Scott decision
Joseph Bertrand, French mathematician and educator
Dorothy Gish, American film and stage actress
Frederick IX, Danish king; led resistance against Nazis in WWII
Lawrence Welk, American bandleader and showman
Harold Wilson, English Labor Party politician; twice prime minister

Like the new banner?

You know – up there, at the top of the screen?

I’ve been busy the past few days with rebuilding the home network and being social, but this afternoon I finally put together the above banner, something I had been planning for several months.

For the curious, the album covers used are (starting at U2’s album and working your way roughly clockwise):

U2 – Under a Blood Red Sky
New Order – Power, Corruption and Lies
Sex Pistols – Never Mind the Bollocks
Cocteau Twins – Treasure
Duran Duran – Duran Duran (1981 version)
Men at Work – Business As Usual
Bananarama – True Confessions
R.E.M. – Fables of the Reconstruction
The Jam – This Is the Modern World
Bryan Ferry – Boys and Girls
Madonna – Like a Virgin
Propaganda – A Secret Wish
Roxy Music – Flesh and Blood

Enable Spellcheck in Firefox Forms

If you use Firefox, you probably know (and love) the built-in spellchecker. However, it has one tiny failing: by default, it only checks spelling in large forms (such as the body of an email on a webmail form). It won’t check smaller items like the subject lines of emails or online comments. If you’d like to enable spellchecking in smaller forms, just check out this post over at Download Squad. Here’s the skinny for people already familiar with about:config

  1. Open up the Firefox configuration window by typing about:config in the address bar.
  2. Type layout.spellcheckDefault in the filter box.
  3. Change the value from 1 to 2.

Get Windows Vista fonts in Windows XP!

Here’s a neat tip from the folks over at Lifehacker: if you’re still running Windows XP, but you’d like to get the fronts shipped with Windows Vista, all you need to do is download and install Microsoft’s free PowerPoint 2007 Viewer. This program will not only allow you to view PowerPoint 2007 documents, it’ll also add several of the Vista fonts to your system, which you can then use in Office 2003 programs. Of course, you can also get the fonts by installing Office 2007, which isn’t free, of course, but if you’ve been planning to upgrade, maybe this will be an extra incentive.

Ashes to Ashes: Season 1, Episode 5

The up and down season continues on Ashes to Ashes. After last week’s kickass episode, we’re back to another snoozer. In fact, I’m so disappointed with last night’s episode that I’m not going to write up one of my infamous 15,000 word summaries. Instead, I want to talk about the series in general: its strong points, its weak points, and where I think the whole thing is going. But I can’t just jump in to that. I have to give you some sort of write up of last night’s episode. So let me quickly get that out of the way first:

DCI Hunt and the gang are out to bust a drug dealer and pimp called Simon Neary. They’ve followed him to a hotel, and Hunt is certain that the briefcase that Neary carries is full of either drugs or cash to buy drugs. Technical problems with the team’s surveillance equipment cause an overconfident Hunt to hastily break down the door of Neary’s room. But instead of finding heroin, cocaine, or a giant pile of £50 notes, they find a young man… and a bunch of assorted sex toys. Neary, it seems, is gay.

Hunt goes back to the informant that gave him the tip about the “drug deal”, and this leads to yet another classic Gene Hunt exchange:

Hunt: Reeks, you maggot! I gave you a fiver for solid information and you, you give me a suitcase full of dildoes!

Reeks: Dope!

Hunt: Dildoes! The biggest of which I will shove so far up your ass it will give your tonsils a treat if you don’t give me something better!

Reeks tells Hunt that he (Reeks) is honestly out of the loop with Neary and his gang, but he’s heard rumors about a Neary-brokered gun deal going down soon. This leads Alex onto yet another tangent: if she can stop guns from getting into London, maybe she stop the gun that shot her from getting into the city, too. And so she can then go home.

Most of the remainder of the episode involves Hunt and Drake working on Marcus, Neary’s boyfriend, the same guy that the crew busted in on at the hotel. As you might guess, Alex is the only decent, “progressive” member of the crew. Gene and Ray simply can’t understand why someone would want to be gay; Drake, being from 2008, simply accepts Marcus’s homosexuality and tries playing the “good cop” angle with him.

As you can probably guess, Hunt and company eventually catch Neary (although perhaps not in the way you’d expect). While the episode was decent television (far better than just about anything on American TV these days), there wasn’t much to like about this episode… except a scene where Ray (of all people) is tasked to go undercover and hit on Neary (so that Marcus will see it and realize that Neary isn’t the great boyfriend he thinks he is). Ray, although completely uncomfortable with the entire concept, nevertheless does a pretty good job of flirting with Neary… until Simon whispers something into Ray’s ear which causes him to freak out:

Ashes to Ashes (Ep 5, 1)

Oh, and since no episode of Ashes to Ashes is ever complete without Keeley Hawes dressing up like a tart, let’s go ahead and get that out of the way:

Ashes to Ashes (Ep 5, 2)

* * *

Don’t get me wrong… I’m a red-blooded American male that enjoys watching girls dressed up like tarts on TV. I think that Keeley Hawes is kind of hot, too, in that “she’s not a supermodel, but there’s just something about her” kind of way. You’d think that seeing Keeley Hawes in skimpy outfits every week would be be win-win…

But it’s not. It’s just so… blatant that it’s getting old. Consider the “bra scene” I posted a picture of in last week’s recap. The exact same shot I posted at the last graphic in that recap was featured prominently in the “On the next episode” teaser at the end of episode 3. It was also featured prominently in the “Last Time…” recap at the beginning of this episode.

To the people at Kudos Productions and the BBC, I say this: we get it. Keeley Hawes is hot. She looks good in skimpy outfits. We all know that sex sells, and I’m sure you’re picking up additional viewers because of it (note: they are). But it’s getting a bit… contrived, don’t you think? What’s up next week – is a mobster going to celebrate a birthday, which causes DI Drake to work undercover by jumping out of the cake? Are the Triads going to try and corner London’s silk market, which will somehow lead to Drake wearing a skimpy kimono as she chases one of them into a walk-in freezer? A sudden rash of armed robberies at a nudist colony, perhaps? Maybe the IRA will bomb a latex factory, which causes Alex – just arrived back from the nudist colony – to be covered from head to toe in liquid latex… OK, I’m being silly, but you get my point.

In Life On Mars, Sam Tyler has no idea why he was sent back to 1973. During the course of series 1, he gets closer and closer to what he thinks is the reason, but this develops over the course of 4 or 5 episodes, and is ultimately rejected. In Ashes to Ashes, Alex thinks everything is the reason she was sent back in time. If 1981 Drake were to hear that Roundtree were developing a new flavor of Kit Kat candy bar, she’d immediately have a trippy flashback to her dad buying a Kit Kat on the way home from work the day he was murdered. If only she could stop Roundtree from introducing that new flavor if Kit Kat, maybe, just maybe, he dad wouldn’t stop for one on the way home – thus, changing history’s timeline and helping Alex find her way home! It’s tiring. But I guess that Alex has a different personality than Sam, so I guess that I can deal with it. But still, she’s supposed to be a psychologist and everything – you think she’d know better, right?

Thankfully, Caroline Price (Alex’s mother) made only a brief appearance in this episode. Many of the fan sites I’ve visited seem to actively dislike the whole “Alex has Mommy Issues” storyline. It didn’t bother me at first – in fact, I didn’t even really think about it until I read about it on a fan’s blog – but I can see where it would annoy some. It’s obvious to the viewers that Alex has gone back in time for some reason related to her parents, so I suppose that it only makes sense that she would run in to her mother there… and yes, I can see where Alex would have “Mommy Issues”. Of course, it’s highly convenient that Alex would be placed on Gene’s team, which, for whatever reason, is always running in to Caroline Price. You see this conceit in a lot of TV shows and movies – someone keeps running into someone else in a city of 10 million people. It boggles the mind that it could happen with a police force numbering in the thousands. Aren’t there corrupt cops in other London police districts that Caroline could be busting ? I guess that Kudos isn’t above using that tired old cliché.

But the writers need to tread carefully with this storyline. I can see this getting very old, very quickly. When I was a teen, I had a friend that hated her life, and talked about suicide all the freaking time. One night, she called me and said that she had swallowed a bunch of pills. I asked what type of pills they were (Valium), how many she’d taken (11 or 12), and how long ago she’d taken them (around 10 minutes before she’d called me). I just told her to take a spoon, stick it in the back of her mouth, throw the pills up and go to sleep. I became a pariah for a while when everyone at school found out what I’d said. I was the “uncaring friend”, the “jerk that told her to throw up just to get her off the phone”. No one ever stopped to listen to my side of the story: that when someone calls you and talks about suicide, you take it seriously. After the 300th time they’ve called you and talked about suicide, it just gets old. It’s not that you don’t care, it’s that getting a phone call like that drains the life (and adrenaline) out of you. And once someone has pulled that stunt 300 times, well… you just start to ignore it. And I hope that doesn’t happen to Alex – that she whines and whines about her mother so much that everyone just presses the fast-forward button on their DVR remotes.

Another thing that bothers me is the lack of (for a better word) the “supernatural” in Ashes to Ashes. In Life On Mars, 1973 Sam started hearing the voices in 2006 Sam’s hospital room almost immediately. He was routinely “visited” by the Test Card F girl and a lecturer from Open University (a British “distance learning” institution that used television-based courses from 1971 to 2006). He seemed to be in almost constant contact with either the 2006 world or the “supernatural” world. Yet, while Alex has seen The Clown on several occasions, and seems to have regular conversations with her 2006 daughter, Molly, when she’s alone, she hasn’t been contacted once by anyone from the present day. Of course, in 2008 she was dying alone in an abandoned barge on the Thames, so it’s possible that she hasn’t heard any voices in 1981 because no one’s found her in 2008 yet. But still, it seemed like there was always contact going on between 1973 Sam and “what was not 1973″. Ashes to Ashes seems to be missing this… a lot!

And speaking of “lots”… this episode in particular was heavy on the ham-fisted moralizing. Yes, Kudos, we get it: homosexuals used to have a bad time of it. Although life in 2008 is far from perfect for most gay people, we get that heterosexual people in 1981 weren’t much more evolved than medieval peasants. I’m surprised that Ray and Chris didn’t want to have Marcus burned at the stake for “gaycraft”, or waterboarded in Holy Water… or something. Drake’s “you can’t ‘catch’ gay” speech at the station might have been innovative TV in 1981, or even 1991. But the same speech today just made me roll my eyes. It came off like something cribbed from an after school special. Imagine watching a prime-time drama in the USA in 2008 and hearing a character say “black people are people, just like whites! They have families! They have dreams!”. Yes, we all agree on that. Even the most racist among us know that black people are indeed people. We finally gave up the fiction that they might not be in the 1960s; hearing a speech saying just that 40 years later would be a bit… childish, I think. And the scene at the end of this episode – where Alex spots Kaposi’s sarcoma on Marcus, thus foreshadowing the arrival of the AIDS epidemic in Britain – was just the little bit that pushed me over the edge. There was a film about the AIDS epidemic called And The Band Played On (based on a book of the same name). The film was nothing more than two hours of self-righteous speechifying by Matthew Modine’s character. This episode of Ashes to Ashes wasn’t nearly as blatant as And The Band Played On, but it was close, even though in 2008 it didn’t even have to be.

All this moralizing is in direct opposition to what made us fall in love with DCI Gene Hunt in the first place. Hunt is unabashedly of his time. He’ll slap a suspect around, then slap a female police officer on the ass on his way out of the interrogation room. He drinks whiskey and smokes cigarellos at his desk, then goes to a smoky pub for a lunch of sausages and mashed potatoes drenched in gravy. He thinks that John Wayne was the perfect male role model and his car really is an extension of his penis. He lives in an age before low-fat diets, carb counting menus, sexual harassment lawsuits, political correctness seminars, smoking bans, drug tests and talking about your feelings. Hunt doesn’t even know what “saturated fats” are, much less give a damn about them. Hunt has a dark streak in him, a prejudice that automatically assumes that “darkies” are criminals, that “poofters” are depraved perverts and women police officers are only there to get him coffee and jiggle on demand. But yet, there’s an inherent goodness in him, an ability to see past his own prejudices and eventually do the right thing. Hunt’s the kind of cop that would beat a black suspect senseless, but once he found out that the black guy was framed, he’d dedicate himself to finding the actual perpetrators with a vengeance like something out of the Old Testament. As mentioned in previous recaps, Hunt also has a spidey sense and intelligence that Ray and Chris lack. Sure – Hunt would immediately suspect an illegal immigrant of a crime, but he’d also be the first to get a gut feeling that something wasn’t right about his suspicion. Where Chris and Ray would keep working immigrant until they found something they could hang on him, Hunt would realize that something didn’t add up. All this over-the-top moralizing in Ashes to Ashes creates a tension that wasn’t quite there in Life On Mars. We loved Hunt because of who he was: a simple-minded badass. But now we’ve got the writers making us feel bad for liking him.

OK, so that’s about it for today. However, I did one to point out one last thing about Ashes, and it’s not necessarily a bad thing. The writers have a true gem in Montserrat Lombard, who plays Shaz Granger in the show. She’s a young WPC (Woman Police Constable) that apparently has a little “thing” going on with Chris. She’s cute, she’s bright and she knows far more about the world than you’d expect her to. And she’s woefully underutilized in Ashes to Ashes. She’s mainly used for comic relief – like last week when she ruined Ray and Chris’s big reveal by knowing the name of an obscure left-wing group. She’s also used as a foil with Chris; where Chris represents the “old school” way of thinking, Shaz gently explains the “modern” view of things, like women’s rights, to him. The only problem is that that’s all her character is used for. In last week’s “reveal ruiner”, she was sitting at her desk when Chris and Ray came in with big smiles on their faces. They’re proud to have figured out that “RWF” stood for “Revolutionary Worker’s Front”. But before they can tell anyone that, Shaz says “RWF? You mean the Revolutionary Worker’s Front? My dad was big into the trade unions, so that’s how I know”. Shaz then walks off, only to more or less disappear for the rest of the episode. It’s a shame, because I think Shaz would make a great addition to the show. Well, more than she’s used now, that is.

MUSIC HEARD IN THIS EPISODE:

Madness – “One Step Beyond”
Simple Minds -“I Travel”
XTC – “Sgt. Rock”
Killing Joke – “Turn To Red”
Donna Summer – “I Feel Love”
John Davis & The Monster Orchestra – “Love Magic”
The Human League – “Don’t You Want Me”
Sarah Brightman & Hot Gossip – “I Lost My Heart To A Starship Trooper”
Soft Cell – “Where Did Our Love Go?”