Hey, ya’ll! It’s Simon again! Your football feline went 9-5 last week, and is 45-32 for the season so far! Not bad for a little kitty, eh? Let me put down my MANmosa and give you my picks for week 6, honey!
Steelers at Titans: Wow… the boys from Steel City sure looked like a more balanced team with the strong, sexy legs of Rashard Mendenhall in the lineup, didn’t they? And even though that hamdsome James Harrison didn’t have a great game stat-wise, the Iggles still had to account for him. Even though my boys gave up the Eagles touchdown in the 4th quarter, they looked pretty good for most of the game. And here’s the thing: the Titans ain’t the Eagles. If the Steelers can contain Chris “Sexy Legs” Johnson and force Matt “My Best Days are Behind Me” Hasslebeck to throw, it will be an easy win for them. I take the Steelers to win this game, hopefully easily.
Oakland at Atlanta: Matt Ryan… Tony Gonzalez… Michael Turner… Julio Jones… the Falcons aren’t just stacked with talent… they’re stacked with sexy! They’re 5-0 and, barring some kind of unforeseen disaster, will be 6-0 after this game. Ya’ll know I love me some sexy pirate mens… but Atlanta’s just got too much talent. Take the Falcons to win this one! (Sidebar: so the Falcons’ quarterback is Matt Ryan, but the kicker is Matt Bryant? Well that’s confusing!)
Cincinnati at Cleveland: One word: Ewwwww! Take the Bengals.
St. Louis at Miami: Ahhhh… South Beach. All those handsome mens in Speedos rollin’ around in the sand… Oh MY, girlfriend! The Dolphins have been surprising all season, and the Rams aren’t all that bad, despite they’re being from St. Louis. I’ll take the Dolphins, although the Rams could make this interesting!
Indianapolis at New York Jets: Simon’s got a funny joke for you: “the New York Jets”! If this game were in New York New Jersey, Simon would give the Parade of Incompetence that is the Jets a slight advantage. However, they’re playing in Indianapolis, where the home crowd will give the Colts a slight advantage. I’ll take the Colts, but I’m not really sure about them.
Detroit at Philadelphia: My beautiful man Calvin Johnson! I’ve got me eye on yooooouu! But seriously, Captain Walrus and the Dog Killer are still smarting from their loss to Daddy’s Steelers last week, and they’ll be out for blood here. I think Philly just has more talent than Detroit, and if Dog Killer can hold on to the ball, I think the Eagles win this one!