SimonHey, y’all! Simon here! Wow! Did y’all SEE my main man Calvin Johnson last week in that game against Dallas? The man’s a BEAST! Not only is he HANDSOME, he’s redefining football! Well, Simon thought he might have hit it out of the park last week, but he only went 9-4, for a total of 79-41 on the season. TERRIBLE! Let’s see if I can do better this week!


Cincinnati at Miami: Well, piddley-poo! Simon doesn’t know who to pull for here! Y’all KNOW I love me some handsome South Beach mens, but the Bengals are my kitty cousins! Who to cheer for? I think the Bengals are just playing too well for the Fish to beat ’em, so go with the tIgers, ladies!

Kansas City at Buffalo: The Chiefs will roll in to Buffalo, have a few wings, and roll out with a victory for sure! Take the Chiefs big time, baby!

Minnesota at Dallas: Wow… that game with Dallas and Detroit was AMAZING, wasn’t it? All that sexy manflesh out there on the field, giving their all… and that handsome Matthew Stafford with the trick play at the very end! That was a game for the ages, girls! And this week, the Cowboys will have their revenge on the Viking mens!

Tennessee at St. Louis: Oh Lord… who cares? Take the Titans, maybe.

Continue reading “SIMON’S PICKS – WEEK 9”


SimonHey, y’all! How ya’ll handsome mens and pretty ladies doin’ out there? Simon’s FABULOUS! I went 10-5 last week, making me 70-37 for the season! This weekend is full of favorites, so let’s see if I can get them all right! Paws crossed, y’all! Enjoy the picks!



Carolina at Tampa Bay: Pshaw, girls! This one won’t even be close! The Simon is almost certain that my Carolina Kitties will mop the deck with the Buccaneers! That sweet. sweet Cam Newton is a hunka hunka manmeat, and he’s going to make the Bucs look silly! Take the Panthers… better yet, let the Panthers take me! I’m awful!

Dallas at Detroit: This is the only game that truly worries me. I mean, The Simon is pretty certain that the Cowboys will win this one, but he’s not 100% sure of it. I mean, come on… Lions are wild and handsome, right? Yoo-hooo! Calvin? Calvin Joooohhhnnnsssoonnn?? Simon’s all about you, sexy man!

Cleveland at Kansas City: Man, has The Walrus gotten the Chiefs pumped up or what? Look for the Chiefs to scalp the Brownies and send them home whimpering!

Miami at New England: The Pats ain’t what they used to be… but they can handle the Fish! Look for Tom Terrific (sigh!) and the Patriots to bounce back with a win at home. ‘cos Miami can’t handle the cold weather!

Buffalo at New Orleans: It’s really, really, really hard… to beat the Saints to lose at home! And girl, Buffalo ain’t gonna be the team to do it! Take the Saints to the bank, baby!

New York Giants at Philadelphia: Yeah, the Giants won last night… in one of the worst NFL games ever! As “not good” as the Eagles have been this year, I think they take one from Eli and Company this week. So take the Eagles. I love birds!

Continue reading “SIMON’S PICKS – WEEK 8”


SimonHey, y’all! Simon here! Man, I take one week off, and my lil’ sister goes 10-5! Nice, sister! Maybe YOU should do the picks from now on!

Me (or, I guess “we”) are 60-32 for the season… Let’s see if we can do even better this week!


Seattle at Arizona: Well, this one isn’t even a challenge! That Russell Wilson and his skull crackin’ thighs are gonna beat up on those poor birds this Thursday night! Take the Seahawks on this one, ladies!

Tampa Bay at Atlanta: Simon’s a little worried about the Durty Birds, y’all! They lost to the Jets, and the next week the winless Steelers went to the Meadowlands and beat the snot out of the Jets at home. Seriously: if Pittsburgh’s offense could have gotten it in gear, the score would have been 35-6 instead of 19-6! So how good are the Falcons? Simon thinks they’re good enough to beat the trainwreck that is the Bucs. Take Matty Ice, that HANDSOME Tony Gonzales (I do love me some Latin mens!) and the Falcons to take down the South Florida Pirates this weekend!

Cincinnati at Detroit: OMG! Tigers versus Lions? It’s like kitty porn for Simon! Oh lord! Ladies, I declare, I’ll need a fan to get me through this game! This game is SImon’s Upset of the Week™ – most of the talking heads have the Lions winning this one, but Simon thinks the Bengals will win this one and solidify their hold on the AFC North!

Buffalo at Miami: As much as Simon likes pulling for the underdawg, he’s just gotta go with the chiseled mens from South Beach in this game! All that tight, dark skin, glistening in the Florida sun… umm-umm-ummm, girl! Where was I? Oh yes! Take the Dolphins to win this one!

New England at New York Jets: Time for the Patriots bi-annual beatdown of the Jets. Given the spectacular win Tom Terrific put together last week, I think Mr Handsome won’t even break a sweat in this game: take the Patriots to win this one, ladies!

Continue reading “SIMON’S PICKS – WEEK 7”

The Best Deal Ever?

Yes, this article was heavily influenced by Free Spirits, this week’s entry in ESPN’s 30 for 30 series. If you like basketball at all, I suggest you check the film out!

Do you remember polyester clothes from the 1960s and 1970s? Sure, those old double-knit suits and slacks seem ugly and obnoxious now, but they seemed like miracles back in the day. Polyester clothes promised to last forever, and required very little care from their owners. Housewives all across America envisioned a future without ironing, and to them it seemed awesome. And for that you can thank (or blame) two brothers: Ozzie and Daniel Silna.

The Silnas had a textile business, and were among the first to figure out how to make fabric from polyester. Although polyester brought the Silna brothers a modest fortune, the two had a dream, a dream of owning an NBA basketball team. In 1974, the brothers unsuccessfully tried to buy the Detroit Pistons. When the deal fell through, they went back to the drawing board.

Just as the NFL had to deal with an upstart rival in the AFL, so too did the NBA have an upstart of its own: the American Basketball Association, or the ABA. Just like the AFL, the ABA had players with big personalities, colorful uniforms, and increased offense via the three-point line. Also like the AFL, many ABA teams tried bizarre halftime shows – like alligator wrestling – to draw spectators.

ABA basketball
The ABA’s (in)famous basketball.

However, one thing AFL teams had that most ABA teams lacked was profits. The ABA and its teams constantly lost money, and this can be seen in the insanely complex history of some teams. The New Orleans Buccaneers, for example, played under that name from 1967 to 1970, when they changed their name to the Louisiana Buccaneers in an attempt to expand their fandom statewide. The trick didn’t work, so the team moved to Memphis, where they were known as the Memphis Pros (1970-1972), the Memphis Tams (1972-1974) and the Memphis Sounds (1974-1975). But the team still failed to make a profit, so they moved to Baltimore, where they were known as the Baltimore Hustlers… until they changed their name yet again to the Baltimore Claws before folding in late 1975. So in an 8 year span, the team either moved or changed its name 7 times.

Continue reading “The Best Deal Ever?”


ChloeHey, everybodee! It’s Chloee. My brudder has the hangovers today – too many Dark an’ Stromees for Monday Nite Football – so Chloee will be doin’ the picks this week. Brudder went 9-5 last week, makin’ him 50-27 for the yeer. Let’s see if Lil’ Chloee can do better! hehehehe!! 



Chicago and New York Giants: So, the reeson brudder is hungover iz because hee was watching the Jets beat his favorite Durty Burds last night. Was tense game, no? Now, normally Chloee would think that a giant could beat up a bear pretty easily. Although bears are pretty bad-ass, giants are… well, GIANT! But Chloee thinks NEW YORK Giants don’t stand chance against Chicago Bears. Take da Bears to win!

Cincinnati at Buffalo: Man, ain’t no way no buffalo could beat a tiger! To tiger, buffalo just giant meal on hooves, enuf to feed entire tiger familee! Take the Bengals to beat the crap outta the Bills dis week!

Detroit at Cleveland: What is “Brown”, anyway? You no see teams called the Blues or Yellows, do you? Normally, Chloee would think that a lion would beat up on whatevur a “Brown” is, but Chloee notice that Cleveland team also has some kind of pixy or elf as logo. She thinks that Browns will use some kinda elfin magik on Lions and spook ’em this week, even with second string qyoo-bee.

Oakland at Kansas City: Pirates versus Indians? Chloee loves pirates, and normally think they’d kick almost anybodee’s ass. But pirates are best in coastal areas. Me thinks that when pirates go way inland, they not play so good against Indians in good defensive posture. So Chloee sez to that the Chiefs will win this one!

Carolina and Minnesota: Panthers against Vikings? Yeah, you’d think that my slinkee black cousins could beat up on some honkee dudes from Norway. But Chloee thinks the only thing more badass than pirates are vikings. Man, you mess with Vikings, you end up in a wurld of hurt! So take the Vikings to win this one!

Continue reading “SIMON’S PICKS – WEEK 5”