Hey, ya’ll! Simon here! The football feline went 10-6 in Week 1… not too shabby if I say so myself! But let’s see if I can do even better this week! Here are my picks for week 2… have fun with ’em, ya’ll!
Chicago at Green Bay: Oh my! My sexy mens Devin Hester and Matt Forte will have their beefy man-hands full this week against Clay Matthews and his beautiful long locks! Who to choose? My kitty intuition tells me that the Pack will be raring to avenge their loss last week to the 49ers, and will run all over sexy meathead Brian Urlacher. I like the Packers, but I think the Bears will play hard and might make this an interesting game!
Tampa Bay at New York Giants: In the 1970s, when the Atlanta Braves were at their worst, radio commentator Skip Caray once began a game by saying “like lambs to the slaughter, the Braves take the field”. Simon feels the same thing about this game. I’m pretty sure the Giants are going to roll in this game. That slinky, spicy Victor Cruz will see to that! This is Simon’s lock of the week, ladies! Take the Giants to the bank in this game!
Oakland at Miami: Ya’ll know that old joke about how even if you win a gold medal at the Special Olympics, you’re still retarded? This is the NFL’s version of that! Girlfriend, the only way this game could be entertaining is if you sped it up and played “Yakety Sax” over it! Thankfully, this snoozer won’t be televised in The Simon’s area, so I won’t have to take a nap to escape it. Wait a minute! I want a nap! Oh poo! Anyway, I’ll take the Raiders to win… although the only real winners are NFL Films, who will undoubtedly come away with hours of footage for the next NFL’s Greatest Bloopers DVD.