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Hey, y’all! Simon here! Man, I take one week off, and my lil’ sister goes 10-5! Nice, sister! Maybe YOU should do the picks from now on!

Me (or, I guess “we”) are 60-32 for the season… Let’s see if we can do even better this week!

 

Seattle at Arizona: Well, this one isn’t even a challenge! That Russell Wilson and his skull crackin’ thighs are gonna beat up on those poor birds this Thursday night! Take the Seahawks on this one, ladies!

Tampa Bay at Atlanta: Simon’s a little worried about the Durty Birds, y’all! They lost to the Jets, and the next week the winless Steelers went to the Meadowlands and beat the snot out of the Jets at home. Seriously: if Pittsburgh’s offense could have gotten it in gear, the score would have been 35-6 instead of 19-6! So how good are the Falcons? Simon thinks they’re good enough to beat the trainwreck that is the Bucs. Take Matty Ice, that HANDSOME Tony Gonzales (I do love me some Latin mens!) and the Falcons to take down the South Florida Pirates this weekend!

Cincinnati at Detroit: OMG! Tigers versus Lions? It’s like kitty porn for Simon! Oh lord! Ladies, I declare, I’ll need a fan to get me through this game! This game is SImon’s Upset of the Week™ – most of the talking heads have the Lions winning this one, but Simon thinks the Bengals will win this one and solidify their hold on the AFC North!

Buffalo at Miami: As much as Simon likes pulling for the underdawg, he’s just gotta go with the chiseled mens from South Beach in this game! All that tight, dark skin, glistening in the Florida sun… umm-umm-ummm, girl! Where was I? Oh yes! Take the Dolphins to win this one!

New England at New York Jets: Time for the Patriots bi-annual beatdown of the Jets. Given the spectacular win Tom Terrific put together last week, I think Mr Handsome won’t even break a sweat in this game: take the Patriots to win this one, ladies!

Continue reading “SIMON’S PICKS – WEEK 7”

Yes, this article was heavily influenced by Free Spirits, this week’s entry in ESPN’s 30 for 30 series. If you like basketball at all, I suggest you check the film out!

Do you remember polyester clothes from the 1960s and 1970s? Sure, those old double-knit suits and slacks seem ugly and obnoxious now, but they seemed like miracles back in the day. Polyester clothes promised to last forever, and required very little care from their owners. Housewives all across America envisioned a future without ironing, and to them it seemed awesome. And for that you can thank (or blame) two brothers: Ozzie and Daniel Silna.

The Silnas had a textile business, and were among the first to figure out how to make fabric from polyester. Although polyester brought the Silna brothers a modest fortune, the two had a dream, a dream of owning an NBA basketball team. In 1974, the brothers unsuccessfully tried to buy the Detroit Pistons. When the deal fell through, they went back to the drawing board.

Just as the NFL had to deal with an upstart rival in the AFL, so too did the NBA have an upstart of its own: the American Basketball Association, or the ABA. Just like the AFL, the ABA had players with big personalities, colorful uniforms, and increased offense via the three-point line. Also like the AFL, many ABA teams tried bizarre halftime shows – like alligator wrestling – to draw spectators.

However, one thing AFL teams had that most ABA teams lacked was profits. The ABA and its teams constantly lost money, and this can be seen in the insanely complex history of some teams. The New Orleans Buccaneers, for example, played under that name from 1967 to 1970, when they changed their name to the Louisiana Buccaneers in an attempt to expand their fandom statewide. The trick didn’t work, so the team moved to Memphis, where they were known as the Memphis Pros (1970-1972), the Memphis Tams (1972-1974) and the Memphis Sounds (1974-1975). But the team still failed to make a profit, so they moved to Baltimore, where they were known as the Baltimore Hustlers… until they changed their name yet again to the Baltimore Claws before folding in late 1975. So in an 8 year span, the team either moved or changed its name 7 times.

Continue reading “The Best Deal Ever?”

Hey, everybodee! It’s Chloee. My brudder has the hangovers today – too many Dark an’ Stromees for Monday Nite Football – so Chloee will be doin’ the picks this week. Brudder went 9-5 last week, makin’ him 50-27 for the yeer. Let’s see if Lil’ Chloee can do better! hehehehe!! 

 

 

Chicago and New York Giants: So, the reeson brudder is hungover iz because hee was watching the Jets beat his favorite Durty Burds last night. Was tense game, no? Now, normally Chloee would think that a giant could beat up a bear pretty easily. Although bears are pretty bad-ass, giants are… well, GIANT! But Chloee thinks NEW YORK Giants don’t stand chance against Chicago Bears. Take da Bears to win!

Cincinnati at Buffalo: Man, ain’t no way no buffalo could beat a tiger! To tiger, buffalo just giant meal on hooves, enuf to feed entire tiger familee! Take the Bengals to beat the crap outta the Bills dis week!

Detroit at Cleveland: What is “Brown”, anyway? You no see teams called the Blues or Yellows, do you? Normally, Chloee would think that a lion would beat up on whatevur a “Brown” is, but Chloee notice that Cleveland team also has some kind of pixy or elf as logo. She thinks that Browns will use some kinda elfin magik on Lions and spook ’em this week, even with second string qyoo-bee.

Oakland at Kansas City: Pirates versus Indians? Chloee loves pirates, and normally think they’d kick almost anybodee’s ass. But pirates are best in coastal areas. Me thinks that when pirates go way inland, they not play so good against Indians in good defensive posture. So Chloee sez to that the Chiefs will win this one!

Carolina and Minnesota: Panthers against Vikings? Yeah, you’d think that my slinkee black cousins could beat up on some honkee dudes from Norway. But Chloee thinks the only thing more badass than pirates are vikings. Man, you mess with Vikings, you end up in a wurld of hurt! So take the Vikings to win this one!

Continue reading “SIMON’S PICKS – WEEK 5”

Hey, y’all! Simon here! Well, the Football Feline went 10-5 last week, which is pretty good, and sets me up at 41-22 on the season so far. The Simon can make ONE rock-solid prediction this weekend: the Steelers WILL NOT lose… it’s their bye week! Hehehehe… sorry, Daddy! 

 

Buffalo at Cleveland: Well, isn’t this surprising… The CLEVELAND BROWNS are tied for first in the AFC North! And how’s this… even though the Steelers are 0-4, they’re only 2 games out of first place! What a world! What’s Simon been telling you about the Bills, huh? Better than you thought, huh? Too bad they’re going to lose this weekend. Take the Browns to win on Thursday night, honey!

New Orleans at Chicago: The Aints aren’t nearly as good on the road as they are at home, and this one won’t be a runaway win for them… But I think ol’ Drew Brees and that handsome Marques Colston will come away with the win for the Saints!

New England at Cincinnati: HEEEEYYYY TOOOOOMMM! YOO-HOOOOO! SIMON’S LOOKING FOR YOOOOOUU! And Tom Terrific will be looking for a win against my kitty cousins… and he’ll get it, too. This may be one of the least overall talented New England teams in recent history… but all they do is win, baby! Take the Patriots to handle the Bungles easily!

Detroit at Green Bay: [insert joke about Calvin Johnson’s massive johnson here]. The Motor City KItties want to sneak a win at Lambeau. Ain’t gonna happen. Take the Packers to go, Pack, go this weekend!

Kansas City at Tennessee: Barbeque City versus Music City? Girl, you know Simon’s all about some tasty treats! Take the Chiefs to cook the Titans low and slow for 3-4 hours this Sunday afternoon! And then drench ’em in sauce!

Continue reading “SIMON’S PICKS – WEEK 5”