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Hey, y’all! Simon here! Oh boy… last week was a bit rough, huh? Poor Simon went 7-6… which is still a winning record, but not by much! I’m 86-47 for the season… but lets’ see if I can do better this week. In the meantime, Mike McCarthy is busy googling “Seneca Wallace”.

 

 

Washington at Minnesota: The Deadskins came back to life last week with an overtime win against the Chargers… and Simon thinks they’ll continue their winning ways this week against the Vikings, who pushed Tony Romo and Dallas to the brink last week. This will be a pretty good game, even if it’s one of those awful Thursday night games! Take the Redskins to win!

Seattle at Atlanta: Normally, The Simon would pick the Falcons to win at home. After all, the Durty Burds are an NFL best 35-9 at home since 2008. But I just don’t think these guys have it in them. With sexy mens Julio Jones and Roddy White, the Burds are a shell of what they once were, and that handsome Tony G, while awesome, can’t carry the whole team. The beatdown these guys got at the hands of the Panthers last week is only a prelude to this week, despite the ‘Hawks looking vulnerable. Simon is taking the Seahawks to win this one on the road!

Detroit at Chicago: Well, well, well. Who knew Josh McCown would step up like he did last night? You’d think a Culter-less Bears would be terrible, but they hung in there and came away with the win last night… but with a big ol’ asterisk, right? I think my MAIN MAN Calvin Johnson and his lil’ friend Matt Stafford will come to Chi-town and come away with a win pretty easily. Take the Lions… RAWR!

Philadelphia at Green Bay: Man, this should have been an easy pick… Take the Packers all the way, baby! But then Aaron Rodgers got hurt, leaving Seneca Wallace to “lead” the Pack. I think Seneca will get better as he plays 2-3 more games… but this week he won’t be good enough to get the win, even though they’re at home. I mean, The Simon was like “Who’s Nick Foles?” last week… and he’s apparently a guy who can throw 7 TDs in one game. Take the Eagles to win!

Continue reading “SIMON’S PICKS – WEEK 10”

Hey, y’all! Simon here! Wow! Did y’all SEE my main man Calvin Johnson last week in that game against Dallas? The man’s a BEAST! Not only is he HANDSOME, he’s redefining football! Well, Simon thought he might have hit it out of the park last week, but he only went 9-4, for a total of 79-41 on the season. TERRIBLE! Let’s see if I can do better this week!

 

Cincinnati at Miami: Well, piddley-poo! Simon doesn’t know who to pull for here! Y’all KNOW I love me some handsome South Beach mens, but the Bengals are my kitty cousins! Who to cheer for? I think the Bengals are just playing too well for the Fish to beat ’em, so go with the tIgers, ladies!

Kansas City at Buffalo: The Chiefs will roll in to Buffalo, have a few wings, and roll out with a victory for sure! Take the Chiefs big time, baby!

Minnesota at Dallas: Wow… that game with Dallas and Detroit was AMAZING, wasn’t it? All that sexy manflesh out there on the field, giving their all… and that handsome Matthew Stafford with the trick play at the very end! That was a game for the ages, girls! And this week, the Cowboys will have their revenge on the Viking mens!

Tennessee at St. Louis: Oh Lord… who cares? Take the Titans, maybe.

Continue reading “SIMON’S PICKS – WEEK 9”

Hey, y’all! How ya’ll handsome mens and pretty ladies doin’ out there? Simon’s FABULOUS! I went 10-5 last week, making me 70-37 for the season! This weekend is full of favorites, so let’s see if I can get them all right! Paws crossed, y’all! Enjoy the picks!

 

 

Carolina at Tampa Bay: Pshaw, girls! This one won’t even be close! The Simon is almost certain that my Carolina Kitties will mop the deck with the Buccaneers! That sweet. sweet Cam Newton is a hunka hunka manmeat, and he’s going to make the Bucs look silly! Take the Panthers… better yet, let the Panthers take me! I’m awful!

Dallas at Detroit: This is the only game that truly worries me. I mean, The Simon is pretty certain that the Cowboys will win this one, but he’s not 100% sure of it. I mean, come on… Lions are wild and handsome, right? Yoo-hooo! Calvin? Calvin Joooohhhnnnsssoonnn?? Simon’s all about you, sexy man!

Cleveland at Kansas City: Man, has The Walrus gotten the Chiefs pumped up or what? Look for the Chiefs to scalp the Brownies and send them home whimpering!

Miami at New England: The Pats ain’t what they used to be… but they can handle the Fish! Look for Tom Terrific (sigh!) and the Patriots to bounce back with a win at home. ‘cos Miami can’t handle the cold weather!

Buffalo at New Orleans: It’s really, really, really hard… to beat the Saints to lose at home! And girl, Buffalo ain’t gonna be the team to do it! Take the Saints to the bank, baby!

New York Giants at Philadelphia: Yeah, the Giants won last night… in one of the worst NFL games ever! As “not good” as the Eagles have been this year, I think they take one from Eli and Company this week. So take the Eagles. I love birds!

Continue reading “SIMON’S PICKS – WEEK 8”

Hey, y’all! Simon here! Man, I take one week off, and my lil’ sister goes 10-5! Nice, sister! Maybe YOU should do the picks from now on!

Me (or, I guess “we”) are 60-32 for the season… Let’s see if we can do even better this week!

 

Seattle at Arizona: Well, this one isn’t even a challenge! That Russell Wilson and his skull crackin’ thighs are gonna beat up on those poor birds this Thursday night! Take the Seahawks on this one, ladies!

Tampa Bay at Atlanta: Simon’s a little worried about the Durty Birds, y’all! They lost to the Jets, and the next week the winless Steelers went to the Meadowlands and beat the snot out of the Jets at home. Seriously: if Pittsburgh’s offense could have gotten it in gear, the score would have been 35-6 instead of 19-6! So how good are the Falcons? Simon thinks they’re good enough to beat the trainwreck that is the Bucs. Take Matty Ice, that HANDSOME Tony Gonzales (I do love me some Latin mens!) and the Falcons to take down the South Florida Pirates this weekend!

Cincinnati at Detroit: OMG! Tigers versus Lions? It’s like kitty porn for Simon! Oh lord! Ladies, I declare, I’ll need a fan to get me through this game! This game is SImon’s Upset of the Week™ – most of the talking heads have the Lions winning this one, but Simon thinks the Bengals will win this one and solidify their hold on the AFC North!

Buffalo at Miami: As much as Simon likes pulling for the underdawg, he’s just gotta go with the chiseled mens from South Beach in this game! All that tight, dark skin, glistening in the Florida sun… umm-umm-ummm, girl! Where was I? Oh yes! Take the Dolphins to win this one!

New England at New York Jets: Time for the Patriots bi-annual beatdown of the Jets. Given the spectacular win Tom Terrific put together last week, I think Mr Handsome won’t even break a sweat in this game: take the Patriots to win this one, ladies!

Continue reading “SIMON’S PICKS – WEEK 7”