Category: Sports

Hey everybody! Simon here! Gosh, I know these picks are SO LATE, but you’ll have to forgive Simon… he was entertaining some guests from out of town – Tot ziens, y’all! I went 2-2 last week, but I have a really good feeling about this week. Enjoy the picks, y’all!

 

Baltimore at Denver: Well, Ray-ray’s career will come to an end, this afternoon. I’ve been saying that the Ratbirds are overrated, and perhaps I looked a bit foolish last week with their takedown of the Colts. But rest assured, readers: ain’t no way the ‘Birds beat the Broncos today. Not in Denver. Not with Joe Flacco as QB. And even if it’s Ray-Ray’s last time to shine. Simon’s put all his Tender Vittles on the horses in this game, 35-17.

Green Bay at San Francisco: Now this should be a good game, sugah! If this game had happened a few weeks ago, everyone and their cute lil’ cousin would have picked the 49ers to win it easily. And rightfully so. But those handsome mens from Green Bay – especially Aaron Rodgers and Jordy Nelson – are coming on strong here in the stretch, girlfriend! This game is just a complete tosser toss-up that Simon can’t decide! If Simon was going to bet his own money on it, he’d probably bet on the Packers. But since he isn’t – and because it’s hard to beat the 49ers at home – he’s going to go with the 49ers to win in a squeaker, 28-24.

Seattle at Atlanta: This is do or die time for the Falcons… and not just because it’s the playoffs. The past couple of seasons the team has whined about not getting “respect” from the media and fans. They’ve run up a record of 56-24 since 2008, but haven’t won a playoff game during that time. Well, here’s your chance, handsome mens! Knock Seattle out, and those demons go away, at least for a little while. And I think that’s what will happen: sexy Matt Ice will stay cool enough to get the job done. It’ll be much closer than most Falcons fans would like, though: 24-21

Houston at New England: Well, this is easy: take Tom Terrific and company all the way. The Simon’s thinking a Patriots blowout along the lines of 38-17.

Enjoy the picks! See y’all next week!

XOXOXOXOXOXO

The Simon!

Hey y’all! Simon here with my picks for Wild Card weekend… and here’s hoping it’s WILD! For the record, the Football Feline went 12-4 last week to end the season with the perfectly respectable score of 171-84. Yaaaaa me! Let’s see how I do in the first week of the playoffs! Have fun, y’all!

 

 

Cincinnati at Houston: You know, Vegas money is leaning towards the Texans. And why not? On paper, the Texans should beat the tar outta the Bengals. But Simon has watched the last few weeks of football pretty closely, and the Texans are losing momentum while the Kitties are peaking at just the right time. It’s possible that Arian Foster and that hannnnndddsoooomme Andre Johnson will show up for this game, but Simon is not convinced. Y’all, the Texans had the #1 seed all but locked up, but lost their last three games by a total of 45 points. The Bengals meanwhile… well, that Andy Dalton is still ugly… but I say AJ Green and BenJarvus Green-Ellis (isn’t that just the best name EVER?) will walk all over the cowmens! Take the Bengals to win, 28-17.

Minnesota at Green Bay: Wait… didn’t these two teams play last week? They did? I thought so! The Vikes pulled out a win at home last week… but since it’s win or go home time, and since they’re playing at Lambeau this week, all bets are off! Simon would just love it if that lil’ Adrian Peterson ran for 300 yards in this game, but he’s not sure it’ll happen. But if that hunky lil’ Christian Ponder plays as well as he has for the past couple of games, it’s all in the air! I still think the Packers win this one, but it’ll be close: 35-34.

Indianapolis at Baltimore: Andrew Luck?? Simon’s looking for yooooouuuu! And so is a good chunk of football fandom. If this were a “regular” playoff game, I’d look at how the teams have been performing lately. And there all signs would point to a Colts victory over the Ratbrids. I’m not saying this as a “bitter Steelers fan”, but let’s face it, folks: the Ravens simply aren’t as good as many think. They lost to the Eagles, barely beat the Patriots (in week 2, before the Pats got their act together), barely beat the Browns (twice), barely beat the Chiefs and Cowboys, got their ass handed to them by the Texans in week 7, barely beat the Steelers and Chargers in weeks 11 and 12, lost to the Charlie Batch Steelers at home in week 13, then lost to the Deadskins (barely) and the Broncos (badly). They then beat the Giants 33-14, the only impressive win of the season. Then, in week 17 they lost 23-17 to the same Bengals they beat 44-13 in week 1. Having said that, this could be Ray Lewis’ last game (‘Sup, Killah?). Ther’e no accounting for “mojo”, and it’s possible that Bawlmer could come out and kick Indy’s ass. But I’m thinking upset. I’m taking the Colts in a thrillah, 24-23.

Seattle at Washington: Wow… it’s the BATTLE OF THE SEXAY! Russell Wilson vs. Robert Griffin III. Oh my! I’ll need a cold shower after this game is over! I like RGB3, and I think the Deadskins will be OK for the next couple of years. But the Seachickens have been UNSTOPPABLE the past few games. I say the Seahawks win this game 21-10!

Enjoy the picks! See y’all next week!

XOXOXOXOXOXO

– Simon

Oh my gosh, y’all! Better late than never, no? This week’s games start in less than 12 hours! I hope y’all will forgive me – I have just lost ALL sense of time with these holidays! I went 11-5 yet again last week, and am 159-80 for the season. Let’s see how I do in the final week of the regular season!

 

Tampa Bay at Atlanta: Will the Durty Birds play to win now that they have the #1 seed? I think so – take the Falcons!

New York Jets at Buffalo: Who cares? Take the Bills, if you must.

Baltimore at Cincinnati: Take the Tigers in my Upset of the Week™! The Bengals will win this one by 4 or more.

Chicago at Detroit: As banged up as the Bears are, I’ll take them over the Lions.

Jacksonville at Tennessee: Once again… who cares? Take the Titans.

Houston at Indianapolis: This will be a much better game than it looked in August, but I’ll still take the Texans.

Carolina at New Orleans: Oh Cam… this one is going to hurt. Take the Saints!

Philadelphia at New York Giants: The Iggles collapse is complete. Take the Giants!

Cleveland at Pittsburgh: Sigh. What a waste. Take the Steelers. Maybe.

Kansas City at Denver: Talk about cannon fodder… take the Broncos!

Green Bay at Minnesota: Yawn. Sorry it’s late: take the Packers!

Miami at New England: Sorry, Grandpa Jack. The Patriots will destroy the Fins.

Oakland at San Diego: Only fun if you want to see Norv’s last game with the Chargers, who will probably win.

Arizona at San Francisco: Take the 49ers, duh!

St. Louis at Seattle: The way the Seahawks are playing, I’m not sure who could beat them!

Dallas at Washington: I’ll never say this again: GO REDSKINS!

 

Enjoy the picks, y’all! See you for the playoffs!

XOXOXOXOXO

Simon.

Jingle jingle, y’all! Simon here! Christmas is almost upon us, and I hope my gift to you is a list of puuuurfect picks! I went 11-5 again last week, for a total of 148-75 for the season. Let’s ho-ho-hope I can knock it out of the park this week! Y’all have a great Christmas! See y’all next week!

 
Atlanta at Detroit: Will Simon get his Christmas wish of seeing Calvin Johnson’s johnson? Probably not. But them Durty Birds will come to town and do a number on the Lions, honey! Take the Falcons!

New Orleans at Dallas: Although the Cowgirls beat the Steelers last week in OT, they didn’t look all that great against Pittsburgh’s fifth-string defenders (seriously, did you know any of those handsome mens the Steelers had on the field in the second half?). Sexy Drew Brees and that handsome Marques Colston will shred the Cowboys! Take the Aints!

Tennessee at Green Bay: Go green! Again! Take the Packers!

Indianapolis at Kansas City: Andrew Luuuuucccckk? Simon’s looking for yooooouuu! Don’t worry about this game, Colts fans: the last time a quarterback drafted by Kansas City won a game was 1987. Astsonishing, ain’t it? Take the Colts!

Buffalo at Miami: I like my South Beach mens in this game. Know why? Those Buffalo Boys are going to be too busy sippin’ Mai Tais on the beach to concentrate on the game! All those glistening bodies on the beach… I should check Expedia! Take the Dolphins!

San Diego at New York Jets: Wow… I’m sure this looked like an awesome game back in August. But just look at it now! Both the Jets and the Chargers are racing to see which team can implode first. And Dirty Sanchez will enjoy his last few weeks as a Jet. San Diego usually doesn’t play that well on the east coast, so take the Jets to eke out a win!

Washington at Philadelphia: I’m not sure what sport the Iggles are playing. With or without RG3 (“HEY HANDSOME!”), the Skins will win! Take the Redskins!

Cincinnati at Pittsburgh: Oh boy! Better tread carefully here! This is just about win or go home time for the Steelers, and they’re facing two teams at home that they’ve historically dominated. I want to pick the Steelers, especially with their backs to the wall like this. Having said that, the Kitties will keep it uncomfortably close. Like 16-13 close.

St. Louis at Tampa Bay: There’s a joke here somewhere about pirates and sheep… but it’ll be NO JOKE when the teams take the field: The Buccaneers will run all over the Rams (like, literally, honey! Doug Martin, I’ve got my eye on youuuu!).

Oakland at Carolina: Yawn. I love ya Cam, Jonathan and Steve.. but don’t make me watch your boring brand of football! When is Rivera gonna be fired? Is that in two weeks? Or three weeks? Having said all that, I’m picking the hometown kitties to win this one big! Take the Panthers, baby!

New England at Jacksonville: “And, like lambs to the slaughter, the Jacksonville Jaguars take the field!”. Take the Patriots to win… by at least 21 points!

Minnesota at Houston: If the handsome Cowmens can stop that slinky Adrian “What injury?” Peterson, then the game’s over. And I think they’re up to the task. Take the Texans!

Cleveland at Denver: The Simon has been defending the Browns all season long, calling them the “most dangerous 5-9 team in the league”. Well, I haven’t called them a “5-9” team all season long, ‘cos that would be silly. It would change week to week, like “most dangerous 5-8” team last week, or “most dangerous 4-7” team. You know what I’m sayin’, right? Oh dear… I’ve gotten off on a tangent again, haven’t I? We can edit that out later, right, Daddy? [Editor’s Note: No.] Hmmmph! Fine! Anyhoo, as dangerous as the Browns are, there’s NO WAY they beat the Broncos at home. No way at all.

Chicago at Arizona: Hey y’all! Let’s talk hot dogs! Ever have one of those ridiculous Chicago dawgs with the neon green relish and the tomatoes and the pickle spear? How about Sonora hot dogs, which are wrapped in bacon (yummy to Simon’s tummy!) and then covered in beans, grilled onions, fresh onions, tomatoes, mayo, cream sauce (I won’t even ASK about that!), mustard and Jalapeno salsa. What’s wrong with these people? Why can’t they eat hot dogs the New York Way, which is what God intended? Anyway, in the Duel of the Dogs, I say take the Bears to win, and win big. Like a “statement” kind of win.

New York Jets at Baltimore: My daddy says if the Steelers can’t win the AFC North, he sure as hell doesn’t want the Ratbirds to win! I don’t know if the Giants have the mojo to pull off in win in Bawlmer, but it would be delicious if they did. So I’m gonna take the Giants, although I think the Ravens will, in the end, squeak out a win.

San Francisco at Seattle: Whoever would have thought an NFC West game would be the Beatdown of the Week? Yet, here we are: this Sunday Night Football match-up should be the best game on TV this weekend, and The Simon doesn’t know who to pick! It’s SO HARD (heh) to win in Seattle thanks to all those hyped up latté sippers… but the 49ers are pretty much bad ass at this point. So I will represent my buddies in the gay community at pick the 49ers.Stay fabulous, y’all!

Again, Simon hopes y’all have a merry lil’ Christmas! See y’all next week!

XOXOXOXO

Simon

Hey, y’all! Simon here! Well, I went 11-5 AGAIN last week, and am 137-70 for the season. And I’m actually busy planning some festive holiday brunches this week and have no time to do my regular full picks. Sorry ’bout that! Here’s a list of my picks, though, just so you can use them if you need ’em! 

 

Cincinnati at Philadelphia: Kitties always beat birds! Take the Bengals!

New York Giants at Atlanta: Apparently giants can beats birds, too. Take the Giants!

Green Bay at Chicago: Go green! Take the Packers!

Washington at Cleveland: The Skins will win! Take the Redskins!

Minnesota at St. Louis: I like Vikes on spikes! Take the Vikings!

Jacksonville at Miami: Kitties are smart… but not smarter Dolphins!

Tampa Bay at New Orleans: I guess you can put the ‘S’ back in front of their name: take the Saints!

Denver at Baltimore: Peyton goes bird hunting, highlights at 11! Take the Broncos!

Indianapolis at Houston: It’s hard to beat the Texans at home. Take the Texans!

Seattle at Buffalo: I don’t know how a bird would take down a bison, but it’s happening. Take the Seahawks!

Detroit at Arizona: The last nail in the Whiz’s coffin! Take the Lions!

Carolina at San Diego: Norv’s on the way out, but they’ll take out the Panthers! Take the Chargers!

Pittsburgh at Dallas: This depends on which two teams show up. I’ll take the Steelers, because they have Liverpool Syndrome*, but wouldn’t be surprised if the Cowboys won, either.

Kansas City at Oakland: Yaaaaaar! Take the Raiders to win this one!

San Francisco at New England: Wow! Good game! Take the Patriots at home, though.

New York Jets at Tennessee: The Monday Night Football game no one will watch. Take the Titans.

* – For the past several years, the Liverpool Football Club has played well against quality opponents like Arsenal, Chelsea and Manchester United. But they’ve really struggled against mediocre opponents like Queen’s Park Rangers. Does that sound familiar, Steelers fans?

Hope y’all enjoy the picks!

XOXOXOXO

Simon

Hey, y’all! Simon here! Well, I went 11-5 last week, and am 126-65 for the season. I guess I shoulda listened to my daddy about the Steelers, huh? I got a stern “talking to” from him about it, and will pick the Steelers the rest of the way! So anyway, enjoy my picks for week 14!

 

Denver at Oakland: Y’all, Oakland is just terrible, while The Forehead and that sexy Demaryius Thomas are on FIRE! Pick the Broncos to win this game, and win it big!

St. Louis at Buffalo: Yawn. My daddy has a soft spot for Chan Gailey because he once coached for Georgia Tech. So I’ll take the Bills to win at home, although I don’t really care either way. And neither will millions of football fans!

Dallas at Cincinnati: Hoo boy! Now here’s a game! Head doofus Tony Romo heads to the City of Weird Chili to take on the Bungles. My daddy would love for Romo and his Band of Handsome Mens – Jason Witten, Dez Bryant, and especially Miles Austin – to come in and get a win. The return of that hawt fox DeMarco Murray will certainly help them out, too. As much as I’d like the Cowboys to win for my daddy, I think the Bengals will take the win here.

Kansas City at Cleveland: Oh Gawd! This game is even worse than the Rams\Bills game. I shouldn’t be too hard on the Chiefs after the Javon Belcher tragedy. But while they played an inspired game over the better-than-everyone-thinks Panthers, I’m not sure that the inspiration will carry over to this week. Take the Browns to win at home here. Gosh, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth to say that… and I lick my own butt!

Tennessee at Indianapolis: Yawn. Take the Colts. I guess. Watching the cute lil’ Andrew Luck is better than watching paint dry… isn’t it?

Chicago at Minnesota: heh. People from MinnahSODA talk funny. “MinnahSODA”. hehehehe. Won’t matter for them, though. The Bears will come in and beat some Viking ass on Sunday!

Continue reading “SIMON’S PICKS – WEEK 14”

Hey, ya’ll! Simon here! Well, the Football Feline went 10-6 last week… good, but not great. I’m now 115-60 for the season, which is pretty good for a kitty! hehehehe! OK, pour yourself a Bloody Mary or a MANmosa and enjoy my picks for week 13!

 

New Orleans at Atlanta: Oh my! The folks from New Orleans might not think of the Falcons as much of a rival these says – and why not? The Aints are 17-8 in Atlanta since 2003 and have won 11 of the past 13 meetings overall – but I assure you that the Dirty Birds will take this game very seriously! My new crush Julio Jones will be catching balls all over the place, while that handsome Tony Gonzalez will keep rackin’ up the yards. The Simon thinks Matt Ryan and the Falcons will win at home this time, although it will keep to this season’s tradition and be a squeaker.

Jacksonville at Buffalo: Oh Lord! Please don’t tell me we’re getting this game! [checks TVguide.com…] Whew! We don’t! No, this week we get the thriller that is Carolina at Kansas City! What is it that my Uncle Scott always says? “$10 a seat, but you’ll only use the edge??” hehehehehe! Oh yes, back to Jacksonville at Buffalo, Ya know, Simon’s just gonna go ahead and pick the Bills to win the game, although he really doesn’t care WHO wins.

Seattle at Chicago: Man, have y’all seen those Chicago hot dogs? They’re giant beef franks served on a poppy seed bun and covered with mustard, onions, this crazy, neon green relish, a pickle spear, tomato slices and peppers! Simon doesn’t know what to think about that. Y’all know Simon’s an East Coast boy at heart, and when I think of hot dogs, I think of New York style, with onions (and maybe kraut) and mustard. Or I think about slaw dogs, my momma’s favorite way to eat a dog. Have y’all seen my momma? She’s so pretty! I love her so much! Yeah, I’m a momma’s boy… and there ain’t nothin’ wrong with that! She understands my fabulousness! OhMyGawd! Speaking of fabulous! Did y’all see Kate Middleton’s new haircut? NOT fabulous! Girl needed to call Simon before doing that to her hair! And another thing… what? Picks? Football? Oh yes! Hehehehehe… Simon gets distracted so easily! This should be a good game… especially with that gorgeous Russell Wilson on the field for Seattle! And with a name like Wilson, he HAS to be good, right? But it’s so hard to beat the Bears at home. I think Jay Quitter will lead the Bears through to victory

Indianapolis at Detroit: Well, I just don’t know what to do here! Calvin Johnson is obviously my main man (next to Tom Terrific!), but the Colts bring a lot to the table: Andrew Luck… Reggie Wayne… Austin Collie… Dwight Freeney… MAN, that’s a lot of sexy on one football team! I suppose Simon should be using some kind of statistical analysis to pick the winner of this game… but instead Simon’s just gonna pick whichever team has the most handsome mens! And I think the Colts win here! Ride ’em, cowboy! RAWR!

Continue reading “SIMON’S PICKS – WEEK 13”

Hey, ya’ll! Simon here! Guess what? I went 13-1 last week! SUCK IT Les Carpenter! hehehehe! That makes me 105-54 for the season, which is almost as good as the “pros” on Yahoo! Watch out guys – you can’t stop the fabulousness! So pour yourself a cold one and enjoy my picks for week 12!

 

Houston at Detroit: Hoo-boy! I still haven’t seen Calvin Johnson’s johnson, and I get the feeling he’ll be running away from this game with his johnson between his legs! Houston will run all over poor Detroit… who, by the way, are 33-37-2 on Thanksgiving Day and have lost their last 8 Thanksgiving games. Why should the Texans eat turkey when they can FEAST on Lion instead?

Washington at Dallas: I’ll say this for Tony Romo: he’s like a Chumbawumba song… he gets knocked down, and he gets up again… you’re never gonna keep him down! Once again, the Cowboys found themselves down big last week, and came away with the win in Cleveland. So while I’d normally point and laugh at Dallas, I think the Cowboys come away with the win this week. I love me some sexy RG3 action, but I think the ‘Boys have it together enough to win this one.

New York Jets at New England: Oh my! Simon needs to call his BDSM friends, ‘cos this is gonna be a beatdown like no other! Tom Terrific – even without that sexy hunk’a white meat, the Gronk – will get it done, girls! Does Simon have a Blowout of the Week™ award? ‘Cos if not, this one needs it! Take the Patriots by two TDs! Continue reading “SIMON’S PICKS – WEEK 12”

Hey, ya’ll! Simon here! I went 9-4 last week… not as good as week nine’s 13-1, but not too bad. I’m 92-53 for the year, which makes me better than a few of the “pros” out there! Maybe it’s because I am sooo fabulous! So sit back, relax, pour a Bloody Mary and enjoy my picks for week 11!

 

Miami at Buffalo: Yawn. Watching these two duke it out is like watching two ugly girls in last year’s Charlotte Dellals catfighting over the last homely guy left in a bar! It’s just tragic, people! Simon’s going with the Bills, but your best bet is to call DirectTV and hope they can get the NFL Sunday Ticket installed at your house before Sunday so you can watch some other game!

Arizona at Atlanta: Face it, Falcons fans: the Durty Birds were gonna lose at some point. I know it hurts that it was to the Aints, but you guys can easily bounce back against that handsome Larry Fitz and the Cards. My main man Matt Ryan is hard to beat at home, and I just don’t think Arizona is up to the challenge. Take the Falcons here, ladies!

Cleveland at Dallas: Dallas: overrated. Cleveland: underrated. Upset? Sadly, no. It’s hard to win in Jerry’s House, even with goofballs Tony Romo and Jason Garrett coming up with ever wackier ways to lose games. Given all the bizarre endings to their games, Simon is expecting that the Browns will have a lead late in the game, and Romo will throw up a bomb… which will be intercepted by Prester John riding a dragon, who will then abscond to Atlantis with the ball. Completely baffled, Ed “Old Guns” Hochuli will call the game in the Browns favor. Hey, is that any less likely than something silly from the Cowboys’ crack clock management team? And, by the way, I didn’t see you guys at the free Clock Management seminar I held this week. Herm Edwards, Mike Holgren and Marvin Lewis showed up… where were you guys? Take the Cowboys to win at home, although I don’t think it’ll be the “season-changing win” fans are hoping for.

Continue reading “SIMON’S PICKS – WEEK 11”

If you spend any time at all on places Reddit you’ve probably seen the same questions asked over and over again. One question I’ve seen posted over the years comes from people outside the United States who ask “What’s the deal with Americans and college sports?” or  “Why do Americans care which university is best at basketball?” or “How do you know which university to cheer for?”

I’ve seen the question answered many times, but the answers were, in my opinion, incomplete. Some answers would discuss college sports generally, while others would focus on the “which university to cheer for” issue. I hope, with this post, to answer the question fully. So if you have any European or Australian friends who ask about American college sports, in the future you can send them a link to this post!

[AUTHOR’S NOTE: For the duration of this article, I will use the term “football” to refer exclusively to American football and “soccer” to refer to the sport the rest of the non Anglosphere (except Britain) calls football. Yes, Americans get crap from the Brits for calling it “soccer”, but Canadians, Australians, Kiwis, South Africans, Belizeans and the Irish call it “soccer”, too. And much of Asia, including Japan, call it some variation of “soccer”, like “soka” or “saker”. But it’s just AMERICANS who are weird. On a lighter note, I will also follow the American custom of using the terms “university”, “college” and “school” interchangeably.]

*     *     *

First of all, when Americans talk about “college sports” chances are good that they’re actually talking about two sports: football and\or basketball. These are the predominant college sports in the United States, and the reason for this is historical: both sports initially became popular at the collegiate level, and it was their wild success as spectator sports that led people to risk creating professional leagues.

Take football, for example. The history of American football is a bit murky. It’s known that mob football, a medieval forerunner of modern soccer, was played in colonial-era America, possibly for the first time at Jamestown in the 1600s. However, organized games played by intramural university teams did not begin until the early 1800s. Mob football was a brutal sport; some sources say that “any means could be used to move the ball to a goal, as long as it did not lead to manslaughter or murder”!

By the 1860s, the game had been banned at most universities due to student number of injuries and destruction of school property. However, thanks to the introduction of manufactured balls of uniform size and shape – which made the ball bounce predictability for the first time, adding a new strategic element to the game – the sport continued to increase in popularity at prep schools. They came up with something called the Boston Game, a sport which combined the kicking aspect of soccer with the carrying aspect of rugby. The sport began to return to American colleges, and on November 6, 1869 a team from Rutgers University played Princeton University in what most historians consider the first true game of American football. This “new” sport quickly spread to other universities on the east coast of the United States, then went nation-wide once rules were standardized later in the 1870s.

By the 1910s, most large American universities had a college football team, and games were drawing as many as 80,000 spectators in some markets. There was an obvious market for a professional version of the sport, and several businessmen had a go at creating pro leagues. Unfortunately, most failed after a few years due to arguments between team owners. It wasn’t until 1920 that the American Professional Football Association was formed. The group changed its name to the National Football League two years later, and one day it would become the preeminent sports league in the United States.

Continue reading “Americans and College Sports”